Disappointment

I can definitely say I do not like disappointment. I don't know if anyone would say Gosh Laura I just love being disappointed.  Everyone experiences disappointment....a lot of the time its as a result of our own doing. I frequently wonder when making decisions if I am just setting myself up for disappointment. I am sure it even keeps me from setting higher goals or even having higher standards when it comes to some things because I don't want to be disappointed. Many people turn and blame God or others when disappointments comes. I can't help but to point the finger only at myself.


I am generally an optimistic person. This is probably because I look back on my life and although there has been hard times I can see lots of good and lots of learning and growing as an individual.  I think many of us including myself think that some kind of change will eventually make us into better and more content people.  When change doesn't happen I know sometimes I see it as failure and it just makes me disappointed me in myself and in my thoughts and actions. I will be the first to raise my hand and say that I have looked at my friends and been jealous because they have what I want whether it be a family or just a great job. I have looked at my own life at times and say what did I do or didn't do to have the results that I have. I spend way too much time in thought sometimes. Being in Saudi Arabia has allotted me plenty of thinking time that is frequently pointless or has complicated things more than it needs to.


They say "When life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade"....How many times have we all heard that...How many times have those very words come off or lips? Perspective changes everything. I forget some many times to count my blessings. I have to constantly remind myself of just all the good and undeserved things God has blessed me with. I have made soooo many bad decisions in my life and compromised so much. It makes me sad and disappointed myself. I look at my life and just see crap after crap and see me chasing after things that i think will satisfy me when the very thing that will satisfy me the most is always there and never leaves me: God.


 I can never wrap my mind around how God could pour out so much Grace and Mercy on me, a sinner. I have nothing left but to throw myself at the foot of the cross and beg for Mercy and for Grace. Why should I treasure anything above God. No man or thing is worth it. Its so easy to say those things for me....but its true actions speak louder than words. In my head the lyrics "Take my heart and form it
Take my mind, transform it.  Take my will, conform it. To Yours, to Yours, Oh Lord." God's will is perfect. I have seen the hand of God move in my life but yet I continue to let my flesh take over. This is what disappoints me the most.....Even in disappointment I can see God has a plan for me, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give me future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  Even though I am greatly disappointed..... I'm encouraged.