Beautifully Chaotic

December blues??

2011-12-19T07:13:00.000-08:00

This week has been tough. I have been over worked and hate everything about my schedule. I work 8-12, 4-8pm every day. The schedule is terrible. I dont know why they think that the less than 4 hour break is really relaxing. I feel like I work 12 hours every day. I am not getting the rest that I need and its starting to take a toll on me physically and emotionally. I long for my Thursdays and Fridays (the weekend here in Saudi). When I first started working here the first two months I worked 8-4pm. IT WAS GLORIOUS! I miss being able to go home and relax, get errands done, and cook dinner. Life is what it is. I am struggling to find joy in this situation at the moment.

I am thankful for the encouragement I have had from co-workers and friends on this matter. A lot of the teachers seem to be having a hard month with their students. I think a lot of us are worn down and maybe I am missing home a little because the lack of Christmas spirit around here. lol. Maybe tomorrow I will try to make some random Christmas decorations from construction paper or something. Missing my friends and family in the US. I will be sad to not be able to celebrate Christmas with you this year. Love you all!!

Pennsylvania

2011-11-13T02:51:00.000-08:00

I wasnt expecting to go anywhere during my last Eid break from work but as many of you know my dad's wife past away from her battle with cancer. I wanted to take the time and spend some time with my dad. Its been awhile since I have seen him and since I personally have visited him where he lives. Usually he is the one who comes out to California to visit me and my sister. I left October 31st at some ungodly hour of the night to set out towards PA. I was pretty much traveling like the whole entire day!! It was refreshing to land back in the United States even though I wasnt expecting to until July. My dad and uncle were waiting for me at the airport. It was nice to see family!!

Before I arrive PA had a nice little snow storm so I was able to enjoy some snow...I was actually kinda sad it wasnt enough to make a snowman. haha. It was beautiful there every day...even if it was freezing (especially in comparison to my Saudi summer, lol). I spent a lot of time around my dads house. I wish I would have went exploring more in the forest....next time, next time!! :) It was nice to just spend time with my dad and uncle and go on random little trips around where he lives (I found out that everything is about 20 mins away. lol. Or so my dad would say before we set off).

The day before I left me and my dad went into Philly and did all those American touristy things. It was weird being a tourist in your own country. I dont even think I have been that touristy in Saudi Arabia. Philadelphia is so rich with American history! It was nice to be reminded of our freedom and the sacrifices of many. It was already a nice reminder coming from Saudi Arabia and just being able to walk around without an abaya and be able to drive a car!! Good times! Went to Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, the Federal Mint, and other random places...Oh cant forget the awesome Philly cheesesteak we had. lol. :) All in all it was nice to spend time with my dad and go on a little adventure!!! :)

In Saudi Arabia there is never a time where you arent reminded of how much national pride they have. I think seeing the pride they have in their country and knowing the freedoms I have in the United States have made me realize all the blessings there are in being an American woman and being free. I am so thankful to have grown up in America and to live free and have the opportunities that I have had. It is also a blessing to be able to go to a different country like Saudi Arabia and to get to know a culture and the people. Most people I encounter in Saudi Arabia are very gracious! I have been very thankful for the friends that I have here and the friends that I have made. God is good!! I have only been here for a few months and have several more to go but I am looking forward to what the future holds for me here in Saudi Arabia!! :)

After spending time with my dad I got the opportunity to spend some time with the Marr family and with my dearest friend Janet. It was so nice to see friends that remind you so much of home. Janet made me feel much at home. It was nice to be able to spend time with someone I had spent so much time with at the beginning of this year and into the summer before coming to Saudi Arabia. It was nice to see Christmas decorations at the mall (even though its way too early for them)....I am sad to not be having a Christmas tree this year or to be able to spend time with family. It was nice to see the decorations! I am going to have to find a bush or plant around here to decorate...or a cactus. haha. I dont know!! I am glad to be back in Saudi. Its was nice to be greeted by my new friends here....started work again...not as excited about that, lol, but getting back into the routine!! Sorry for such a long update!!! I should have been posting throughout my days there. Its been awhile since I have updated...so I figured it was about time!!! I leave you with the beautiful sunset I experienced when coming back to Saudi!! :) haha.

I love you all and miss you very much!! xoxo

Teaching Invisible Students

2011-09-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

So today was suppose to be my first day of teaching, all or ours but no ones students showed up for class. I guess its pretty typical for the first week of school and we also heard there as something wrong with the online registration for the classes. I am looking forward to getting to meet my students. Things seem pretty disorganized at the moment and I am hoping that they are too chaotic after students actually make it to class. Most of the students I saw or talked to today around the school barely knew any English...I may need to do a quick review on those ABCs. It will all work out beautifully I am sure.

Been enjoying my days off. Its nice to sit back and relax or cuddle up with a good book (with the good ole e-reader) or just go for a swim in the pool.I went for a hike this last Friday for the third time in a row. The desert in Saudi is so gorgeous. I have been a little into taking random shadow pictures in the desert. haha. Next week I might have an opportunity to go camping int he desert. Hopefully that will work out and I will be able to do that. I really like all my coworkers and have been able to meet a lot of people.

Its cooling down around here which is nice. I have been trying to jog around the outside of the compound....well inside the wall (behind the buildings)...its usually a bit warm but it has been nice. Its been really easy to eat healthy here because the fruits and veggies are so cheap. Yay for government subsidized food!! haha. I am pretty sure that I am going to end up having issues with prices when I get home. Its so nice to be able to get food for cheap. I have been making all my own sauces and stuff. I have definitely been loving all the cooking I have been able to do and the fruit smoothies I can make. haha. :) Yum!!

Looking forward to really starting to teach....you know actual students who are not invisible....although I can say our invisible students were quite lovely. They followed all the rules and were so quiet!!! lol. :)

Desert Hiking

2011-09-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

Went on a 2.5 mile hike today with about 60 other expatriates (There were people from Philippines, New Zealand, UK, Australia, Italy, Canada, USA including some Marines, South Africa, and others) . It was nice to meet new people and get more connected with other events around and things that are at the embassy. Will be going to check out the US Embassy in Riyadh tomorrow. It was about 108 during our hike. They offered a long hike, a short hike, and a run....I figured if the week before someone way older than me did the long hike that I would do just fine. Well according to the people who were there this week that were also there last week this weeks hike was a lot harder. haha. I was smart and brought lots of water and some snacks in case I needed to get some energy. I felt accomplished finishing. I wish I would have taken more pictures of the actual way we took. there really is a trail just lots of rocks, gravel, and dirt.

The first part was what seem like up hill for like FOREVER!! Lol. but once I past that it was smooth sailing. I managed to scrape my hand and my calf on a rock but overall no real injury...so I see that as success!! And no us women did not need to wear our Abayas on the hike. That would be insane. So it was nice to be out and not have to wear it because we were in the middle of nowhere with only expats. Anywho, enjoy the pictures :) We are going to a couple parties at the embassy one on the 8th and one possibly on the 15th Marine night...If we go to the Marine night I hope the marines there are #1. taller than most of the guys who went hiking....and #2. better looking. hahaha :) jk. Afterwards the guys from the Philippines played drums for us and we danced around! :)

See pics below...

Jaywalk at your own risk

2011-08-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

I told my fellow teacher lady friends I was going to post a short blog about our Jaywalking experience....I would like to first say that I pointed out that there was a street light way up the road but they decided....and me along with them that jaywalking was a better option. haha. Not many people walk at all around Saudi it seem. In fact most of their roads really dont allow much for walking. Most of them I would say are like small highways. I mean there are some sidewalks but most of the time you just get honked at by other cars or taxis and I have heard of other people getting things thrown at them. lol. Unlike in America...or at least in California where we have a crosswalk every 5 feet it isnt quite that way here. They have places to cross but you have to walk a mission to get to those lights...and even then you arent really guaranteed you wont be hit.

We crossed on side of the street to the median....running really quickly...then had to wait 5 mins for a mini break in traffic before running across the other side. Just to let you know we made it safely to the other side. But of course not without being honked at several times. So I guess this blog is more about the experience of walking down the street in Riyadh. Lol. Good times. I am sure we will have more walking down the street experiences!

Oh and on a side note....something I miss at home.....MOSTLY EVERYTHING has a price tag on it back home...and if it doesnt most of the time the cashier will look up the item or send someone to check on the price or take your word for it....here. You will be asked if you want it or if you want to go get one with a price tag. Such a hassle! Lol. Good times shopping though. Managed to go back to that same mall we got lost in and NOT get lost tonight!! That's progress for you!!

Mall adventures in Saudi

2011-08-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

So went to one of the malls here in Riyadh...actually I have been to a couple now...this mall in particular is HUGE...the second picture is some of my new friends here...we all went to the mall together along with one other girl (who is taking the picture, thats why you dont see her)....anywho, Saudi malls have a lot of the same stores you might find in our malls and a lot more....

So heres the story we were checking out stores...and going up and down the stairs...I think there is three levels to this mall....we no where near

went though it all. I believe most of the malls also have the groceries stores in it...so after going though the mall for awhile we went and grocery shopped...it is an interesting thing pushing a shopping cart though a mall. haha...and I think just about most of the shopping carts in Saudi go in circles or rarely steer straight. haha. Anywho, so our mall adventure....we were walking back out with our cart and groceries though the mall and realized we were lost in the mall.

I think that most malls in America are pretty much a big box that you can walk around....for some reason I feel like here in Saudi they are more like circles. So we walked and walked for awhile (in circles) before finding the exit we came in....Our driver had left us because we were late because we got lost. haha. Thankfully he came back for us! to the right you will see a random dress that I thought was quite interesting in one of the dress shops. It cost about $800usd....crazy! There is a lot of fancy fancy stuff. Clothes seem to definitely be cheaper in the US...good thing I dont have a need for clothes. It is interesting seeing everyone in the malls. We even seen the religious police there...good thing we were all dressed properly and not doing anything we werent suppose to.

Anywho, I found some tape randomly left in my villa so I started putting up some of the cards people wrote me before I left and some pictures that I had...I will have to finish my wall of love when I get more tape. haha. Anywho, this is Laura from Saudi checking in with everyone!! Said goodbye to Saskia today who is going back to Riverside to visit friends and family for two weeks. I will be excited when all my Cali friends return. Thankfully there are several other new teachers that I have been able to connect with that are going to be here during the holiday (right now everyone is on vacation for two weeks)....Oh and another thing...not that I have a bank here but I know people who do...the Saudi banks close for two weeks for the holiday. Crazy! I couldnt imagine if that happened in the US!

Love you guys! Thanks for keeping up with me. I know my posts have been long but I have lots of new things coming my way. Thankfully it has all been a good experience so far. It is nice to have connected with women who have been here for some time who kinda know what to do and where to go since we are not given much direction on what is expected of us and what we have to get done when it comes to getting our iqama (official identity card depicting an individual has a resident of the Kingdom)...little can be achieved without it here...cant send mail, open a bank account, pretty much anything you can think of! Its pretty crazy. So yea...thats the Laura update (I keep trying to end this and then remembering more things to add! lol

Laura's first update from afar

2011-08-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

So got to Istanbul, Turkey for my approx. 28 hour layover…I was trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do. I didn’t come with a plan. I didn’t even realize that if I wanted to see any of the rest of the airport I would have to get a day visa. I guess international traveling is something that you have to get used to. I asked questions to my airline but clearly there was still some language barriers. I debated on if I wanted to get the Turkey visa (cost $20) or just sit in the arrival area…I was a little confused about how the whole process worked actually…when exiting the plane they tell you to continue to passport check…I was a little confused on if I needed to do that or no or just find somewhere to stay put for HOURS AND HOURS….well I decided to go through the passport check like (trying to figure out if I went though that like if that meant I had to go through customs)….well I got schooled about needing a visa. I wasn’t going to get one because it wasn’t a traveling expense that I had budgeted in and my extra luggage bag was $35 more than what they told me it would be over the phone. Oh well, everything has worked out….

There are now some things that I really appreciate about the United States….one being that our signs are usually properly marked and clearly indicate what is needed. Also, water fountains…I haven’t seen one in this airport….maybe I need to go on a hunt for one. They really like you to pay money for just about everything here….I looked for any sort of free wifi but there was none….apparently the one at starbucks here in the airport is free if you have a working cell phone that you can get an access code sent to…doh. Hahaha. So I have been in the airport wandering around for hours…confused for the most part. I really appreciate the luxuries of traveling with companions in the past….at least you can look stupid together. Haha. The flight to Istanbul was nice….12 hours…I thought I would be longer but it wasn’t thankfully. I didn’t get much sleep…Just couldn’t really get that comfortable…and the one time that I did fall asleep I practically fell asleep on the shoulder of the American guy sitting next to me. At least we had were kosher before that all happened. Haha. Good times…..

So I figured out this airport for the most part….they have signs for customs one place but when you go through the doors you aren’t going to customs you are just going to another part of the airport where pretty much all the coffee shops and food places are….you have to venture another way to customs to go outside. I debated on whether to go through customs to go outside but I decided there was no point because from what I was told by some people there really isn’t much around the airport and two…I don’t know how smart it is for me as a single woman to be wandering the streets of Istanbul by myself with my carry on and oversized purse (lol). Whew, this is a lengthy blog….I am sure there will not be too many that will actually read it. I probably post it right before I post the one about arriving in Saudi Arabia….although at this point I will probably be way too exhausted to do anything but go back to my compound and sleep when I get to Saudi Arabia….My flight leaves Istanbul Monday the 22^nd at 640pm….and I am not supposed to arrive to Riyadh until 11:15pm.

I have been doing a lot of traveling the last month! Now I can add world traveler to that list…hahaha Not really…I hardly think Turkey and Saudi Arabia classifies me as world traveler along with my past goings to Mexico and random US states. Hahaha. Anywho, I am trying to waste time…Its 12:30am here on the 22^nd….I don’t really think I can sleep, although I am starting to get really tired. The lack of sleep on the plane and waking up to early the day before is really taking its toll….although I think that Café Americano is working….Oh another thing I love about here is that their coffee is actually HOT! Not that I love burning my tongue but its not lukewarmish like most places in the US. Yay for hot coffee. :)

Thank you friends for your support and encouragement. I will try my hardest to keep you updated and such. I am pretty sure that there was or is people already freaking out because they haven’t heard from me…rest assured I am fine…just cant find any free wifi around these parts! Would love to come back to Turkey one day and actually look around…that would probably require me to have a plan and a buddy would be nice. <3 Love ya!! Xoxo

My 530am update….Managed to get 1 hour of sleep. It was rather refreshing. I am not even tired anymore…I joined a bunch of other random people in the airport who did the same thing. Lol. Here is where I slept :)

PS...........I made it to Saudi and was able to see the lovely Saskia who bought me a few groceries. Loved!! I didnt have any issues with my arrival here. I am all situated in my room and should go to bed since I am going to go to work in the morning :)

Excited to go...but dreading packing

2011-08-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

I leave to Saudi Arabia in three days. I have been waiting to go for what seems like forever now. People keep asking me if I am nervous or if I am excited or whatever...I guess everyone wants to know the emotions that come along with a move like this. At the moment I am really excited about going. I have had moments of sadness because I know I am leaving a lot of friends who are very supportive here but I know things will work out when I get there. I think that things will finally hit me when I get to LAX and wait for my plane to take off....or maybe it will come later when I get to Turkey for my ONE DAY layover! Anyone who has been to Istanbul know if there is anything at all worth looking at around the airport? If not I dont think I will leave the airport at all. haha.

I plan to hopefully blog regularly and update with pictures. You can see pictures either on my facebook but for those of you who do not have a facebook I have also been keeping my Picasa Web Album updated. You can find that here: Picasa (click link). Not really looking forward to packing all my things up. I am an expert packer from all my years of packing though....I guess maybe I should get on that more. I keep telling everyone not to worry that I am organized (which is half true, lol).

I had a great time with some friends last night at Toppers for my Farewell Party. I was encouraged by the support of my friends and family. I was also encouraged by three people who I met there that offered to talk with the Father with me. What a blessing! Part of me wishes I knew exactly how this how experience will turn out....but I am excited to live this new adventure of what I call my beautifully chaotic life. lol. I love you all and thank you for your support and encouragement!!

xoxo

me and the best friend (wp) Zac :)

My sister got me a cake

My sister Tammy and me....doesnt she look happy? lol

Katelyn, Amy, and me

Friend Forrest, Friend Beth, and ME!

Love these guys!! Latoya and Zac!

My baby love Zakai and My sister :)

Keeping Busy :)

2011-08-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well I have managed to stay fairly busy this summer. With VBS, Jenness Park (Youth Camp), and Glorieta (coming up the 6th to 12th)....I think that this may be the best summer I have had in a long time!! :) To finish off the summer I will be travelling thousands of miles away to my new home in Saudi Arabia to start my new job! It has been an adventure to get to that point. It is so more real now that I have my flight itinerary....

I am not sure what I am suppose to do for 8 hours in Turkey. I am excited for my new adventure. Its almost a year since I had decided to go. I finished my Celta course in November and then was hoping that I would be over there soon after but I think that there were things that I needed to take care of here at home which included my sister getting sick for the first part of the year. Thank God she is healthy now! :) Here is some pictures of my summer! :).

A date would be nice.....

2011-06-18T01:44:00.000-07:00

Not knowing what is going on as far as a leave date is kinda annoying. If I am suppose to leave around the 21st it would be nice to know for sure so I could know my baggage allowances and know what I can pack and/or see what its going to cost me to get an additional checked bag. Sent some emails the last several days and another one just now...hopefully will hear some news today....it will be nice to have a definite date so I can stop telling people idk or saying good bye to the 100 times and seeing the over and over again. haha.

I am trying to enjoy whatever time I have left before I leave. Going to the Getty today!!! I am excited to be going with several "Getty Virgins" if you say :) I keep thinking I should pack but I dont want to pack and then have to unpack because I need something in my bag but cant get to it without unpacking everything. lol.

waiting

2011-06-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday all my paperwork was submitted for my Visa...which will hopefully process quickly. Pretty much the last thing that needs to be done before I can finally get to Saudi Arabia to teach English. I keep thinking to myself the more delays it hotter its getting over there. I have been enjoying the nice beach weather we have been having in So Cal. Lots of time to enjoy some beach days with friends :) I am excited that things are finally coming together and I am eager to see my friends who are overseas already teaching. I am sure that my friends here are when is she really going to leave (since I have been telling them for months that I was leaving soon...). Soon is coming soon! I have everything that I need together and I just need to hear when!!
I am excited about what is to come! Heat and all....ok, maybe I am not that excited about the heat part. Anywho, thank you all who have been there and supported and encouraged me during my long visa process. I hope to have exciting news to share with you all soon about when I will be leaving!! I have a new computer so it will be easy for me to keep in contact with everyone!! I will be hopefully updating my blog frequently.

Love you all!!
xoxo

Laughter and friendships and long walks!

2011-01-17T00:39:00.000-08:00

Posting new pictures. I am getting better at posting them. I really wish my camera was better. I mean I guess my cellphone takes decent pictures it could be a lot worse. These pictures above are from around Port Hueneme and Oxnard from random walking adventures I have had.

I have had many great opportunities to really spend time with some friends here and not only that but reconnect with people that I thought I would never really be able to reconnect with. God seems to be in the business of repairing friendships and also creating new ones in my life. Since I dont have a car I usually walk most places. I have had several opportunities to take friends on walks with me. When my young friend Chelsea was around from Mississippi I was able to take a few walks with her though the harbor and to the beach.

Nice long walks to just talk about God and life and just about whatever came to our minds. I also recently got to walk though the harbor with Cindy, my childhood best friend. It was so incredible to just hang out and talk and just catch up. The day before our walk we went though old junior high year books together. Oh the memories!! We have plans to go though the high school ones! Should be fun! Last night I got to go for a nice walk with my new friend Andy. We walked though the harbor (are you getting that the harbor and the beach are like my favorite places to go? lol) and just talked. I am so thankful for the the conversations that I have been able to have with each of these people.

I have really enjoyed hanging out with so many different people while around here. I am so thankful for my dear friend Amy Best who has really been there for me and has had to suffer with me haha. :) Lots of good times and laughter have been shared over a cup of coffee!! Good times! So many other amazing times that I have been able to have. I look forward to seeing how God works in all my friendships. I dont know when or if I will be leaving soon to go overseas. I would like to think that I will be leaving soon but who really knows. I will be happy to know either way :)

Thank you for all you have made me laugh over the last few weeks: Amy, Janet, Colin, Dj, Nolan, Andy, and Cindy. I am so glad that I get to spend time with each of you!! :)

A little of this...A little of that...and a trip down memory lane

2011-01-13T17:20:00.000-08:00

So I sucked at posting my photo of the day...didnt suck so much at taking them. So I guess you are getting them all at the same time. lol...I dont think that is how it is suppose to work and I will try to be better.

America the beautiful.

Sasha and her stick

Park before dark. Living all
the leaves that have fallen :)

A bench. Love this :)

Flowers!! :)

I walk through the
park a lot :)

Anywho, this year has been off to a great start like I mentioned last week. And it has only gotten better I guess. Of course there has been some lows but nothing too crazy and out of the ordinary. Anywho, I had a pretty good day hanging out with my childhood best friend Cindy today. It was nice to catch up. We looked though our old junior high yearbooks and laughed at random things. I laughed at myself at one point for just the randomness in thought and action I had as a junior higher...oh the boys I had crushes on and hoped to marry or something...some of the ones that I did have crushes on I know exactly where their at and I can say thats no where that I want to be. I think over and over again about how things could have been and sometimes I do wish things were different...well at least some things but I am thankful for where I came from and what I have learned and where I am now.

I may not be the awkward junior high chick at Blackstock Junior High anymore but I am still just as weird if not more weird and random then I was then. haha. Oh the life lessons that we have learned and the things that we learn to pay attention to so that we can learn and grow. Good times!! Thanks Cindy for the trip down memory lane...look forward to more.

jumping on the bandwagon

2011-01-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

Jumping on the bandwagon...joining some friends in Project 365....I dont really have the best camera at the moment, in fact all I have is my cell phone camera so with that being said dont expect glory. Haha. But I think it will be fun and it will give me more use of my blog! :) Should have started it January 1st...but forgot. I figured i will add a few pictures to start it off! :)

Taking pictures of myself. :)

"Sasha" My sisters dog. I love
this picture in black and white!

Random I know...its the bricks
outside my aunts house. I
thought it looked really cool!

I am orange but I will take
it. Lol. Another pic I took
of myself recently. :)

Looking forward to this year and seeing everything that it holds. I think that its going to be a good year. I mean it has to be better than last year, right? lol. I have set some goals for myself and I am confident that I will reach them. I feel like at the moment life is on a standstill but in no times things are going to throw themselves into hyper-drive! :)

This life wasnt what I planned for myself 10 years ago...

2010-12-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

I have been wondering....and have been asking people randomly....Would you say that your life has turned out so far how you planned it would have when you were younger? Even if it is even some of the things.

For me I think absolutely nothing has turned out the way that I planned...from where I went to college...what degrees I got. where I live. who I live with...totally thought I would find the man of my dreams in college and be married with yadda yadda yadda...my heart was so set on the "American dream" sort of thing.

I look at my life now and I see all the blessings that have come about because of how things have turned out. I have seen how foolish also my ideas of the "American Dream" were....Everything was so me centered and not Christ centered at all. My passions were so different then and my hearts desires were to make much of myself.

I find at times I look at my life and feel like a failure because I dont have those things. Those things seem very present in the rest of my family. I have to have moments when I sit down and evaluate my life. I am sooo thankful for the path that has led me to where I am now. I am so thankful to God for the amazing people he has brought into my life though those random life detours.

For a long time I blamed my weight on why things didnt come out the way I had planned. If I was skinner then maybe I would get the guy....or if I was smarter or more disciplined I could have done this... I really did lack a lot of confidence in my abilities and I dont think the world really encouraged me to be confident in those areas....but there is the problem...why in the world would I care about the world says about me and not listen and believe the encouragement the family of God! Or truly in my heart of hearts believe God when he said you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I lack so much faith at times. I am definitely a work in progress. I am trying to see myself and a trusting, loving, responsible woman. I need to stop letting the world dictate who I am and what I should think of myself....its just led to disappointments and broken hearts.

God knows the plans he has for me. I am excited to see how things unfold and what the future holds. I hope and pray that God rocks my world in a beautifully chaotic way!

life nowadays...

2010-11-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

My friend wrote a blog talking about how life isnt exactly how she planned it all out to be for herself. I could say the same exact thing about my detailed plan for my life that I made when I was a little girl. I sure thought I was going to be married and have children and live happily ever after in some amazing American dream fashion. Obviously those who know me know that none of that has happened and I dont really foresee it happening anywhere in the future....and with that being said I think that my wants and desires I had as a kid are in some cases drastically different than what I want now. Would I love to be married and have children? Sure, one day I believe the Lord will bring about a man that surpasses anything that I ever hoped for for myself! I can definitely say that God has really worked in my life, especially the last several years in changing my perspective about life and what and more specifically WHO I life for! It is no longer myself that I live for but for God! Although if I was being truthful so many times I try to take control of my own life. I love being in control. Its funny as I look back at the areas I have tried to control the most in my life they are the areas that that seem to crumble to pieces quicker than I can build them back up. When I trust God and give him control the pieces of the puzzle that is my beautifully chaotic life come together! Oh that I might be more trusting and have more faith in all that god has in store for me!!

Would I have ever thought I would be in San Diego taking a CELTA course so I can go and teach English overseas in the Middle East? NEVER!! but yet that is exactly where I am in my life and God is growing me and stretching me as he prepares me for a new chapter in my life. My class has been challenging and at times very frustrating bit it has been a great experience at the same time! I have met people that I would have never thought that I would meet and people I hope to stay in contact with for a very long time. Its is amazing the people that come into your life just when you need them! Although the CELTA class has had a lot of work that I have had to put into it I still have had some down time to play games with my roommates (Lawson, Laura, and Saskia), to play with the kiddos (Jordyn and Judah). And to enjoy the company of new friends from class (Bean, Kevin, Matt, Laura, Amanda, Amanda, Terry, Barb, and Cara)!!

San Diego is gorgeous and it has been nice to have some gorgeous weather. I enjoyed a 10 mile walk last Saturday around the bays and to the beach. It gave me a much needed time in reading, prayer, thought, and journaling! I have enjoyed checking out some neat places in San Deigo!! Also had a great time sailing last Sunday with Laura Y. and Amanda A. (and a few other people who where there)....even if by some random chance a sail attacked me and caused me to throw my cellphone into the bay (haha....good excuse to get a new one I suppose). I suppose I should get to doing my lesson plan for tomorrow as well as the countless other things I probably need to be doing. :)

I forgot how much I love to blog and have an outlet to throw out my thoughts....I dont even really care if anyone reads my blogs...its just nice to get things out!! But I do love those of you who do read faithfully!

XOXO

Oh...I learned to write my name in Arabic today!! w00t!! :)

Laura Update

2010-09-04T13:00:00.001-07:00

I am sending you this because I consider you a friend and I want you to know what is going on in my life and the things that I have to look forward to. I hope that you would be excited too and that you would continue to keep me in your prayers!!! :)

I am so excited about the things the Lord has been doing in my life. I recently applied and interviewed for The Teaching House, which is a place ran thought Cambridge, to get my CELTA certificate (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults). I have been looking into options to teach overseas for some time now. The company I want to work for in the Middle East requires certification so that is why I have to take the course in San Diego. The course is from October 18th-November 12th. The class meets Monday-Friday 9-6pm. I am super excited about all the possibilities that are coming!!

On September 9th, I will be giving my 30 days notice at my apartment and will hopefully find somewhere to stay around Riverside for a week before I head to San Diego. After I finish with my course in San Diego I will most likely be moving to Ventura while I apply for the company in the Middle East and wait for the Visa and plane tickets that I need to go there.

Pray Requests:
*That my transition from Riverside to San Diego goes smoothly.
*That I would find a cheap place to stay for a month in San Diego, if anyone knows of anything or anyone in the around Balboa park area, let me know :)
*That I would be focused on God and really be in His will at this time.
*The course cost $2500, pray that the money all comes together. It is due pretty much by the end of this month.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me :)

To check out info about the course:

Disconnected and optimistic

2010-07-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling really disconnected lately, well for awhile actually. For the first time in a long time I have felt more connected with people back home in Ventura that I have in Riverside. I am just not sure why. But still overall there is a disconnect. I have been praying and looking into opportunities to go and serve overseas. I have looked into several organizations and have applied for the Peace Corps. I am not sure where the Lord is leading or guiding but I am excited about what the future holds. I feel like there is something great coming my way but I am unsure exactly what it is. I am looking forward to the rest of this summer and year and all that the Lord will unfold in my life! :)

Good times with old friends and new! :)

2010-06-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

These last few months have been interesting to say the least. Nothing epic has happened or anything. Normal everyday life continues and yadda yadda yadda. I guess the most interesting part has been the opportunity to reconnect with some old friends and develop new friendships with people that seem to be stronger than ever. I think the most amazing part about all this is how much I have been blessed through these old/new friendships. I have learned so much more about God’s amazing grace and his mercy! Who knows what the purpose of people coming in and out of your life is but I look forward to seeing what God has in store for this summer! I am so thankful to have such amazing friends and I am so happy to be acquainted with some amazing people!!!

formspring.me

2010-04-26T21:00:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/lauraboley

Dont know what to Title this one

2010-02-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

Just thought I should write something because it has been awhile. I used to be so frequent to the blogosphere but now rarely do I write. I was thinking about this whole process of losing weight. The 24th will be 6 months from my surgery. I have learned a lot about myself and interesting enough a lot about other people through the process. It is true that people relate to people differently when they are fat versus less fat or skinny. I have always had amazing friends (and they are still amazing). I have been so encouraged by the support and encouragement I have received sometimes is was a little awkward from people who I know would have most likely never really associated with me before hand.

For years I have always believed it is the heart of a person that truly shines though not only that but their personality and that which they stand up for. Those who pursue Christ with all their heart have been so beautiful to me. I think that through the years, at times, I focus myself on the Lord or tried hard to been funny so I could be liked or even attractive to someone. What an abomination!

I was listening to Derek Webb's song wedding dress once and it made me think of myself in so many times in my life. I stand so unworthy of the grace that God has given me.

Chorus

I am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
Im a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

This song has so much of my life and relationship to God attached to it. Words cant even begin to explain how thankful I am to my LORD and God from saving me from my selfish self. I pray that my eyes may be fixed on the king and that I would continue to run to him! He alone is worthy of GLORY, HONOR, and PRAISE!!

Thank you to all of you who have been there for me and have been such an encouragement. Thank you to those who have invested their lives in mine and have encouraged me to run to Christ and to submit everything to him!!

Since Surgery.....

2009-12-21T11:24:00.000-08:00

The picture on the left was taken December 2006...three years ago. The one on the right just a few days ago. In the same dress. I got the dress because it was stretchy and could stretch to fit around my fat body. I love posting side-by-side before and after pictures because it really gives a good idea of how much I have lost...it is such an encouragement to me to see them next to each other.

A couple weeks ago my purse got stole and in it was my weight loss journal that told of my journey some before surgery onto after...I think out of all the things in my purse (including the digital camera, books, and Bible) it was the hardest thing to lose. I can't even begin to tell everyone how much more healthy I feel.

I have so much more energy (when I am sleeping normally after my crazy work schedule). Before surgery I had lost about 55lbs....before that I was having some problems where my knees were starting to hurt. Just losing the 55lbs helped so much. They say for every 1lb you lose you lose 4lbs of pressure of your knees....I guess I have lost like 600lbs of pressure of my knees now. Wow! Also, my lower back used to be soooo sensitive to touch. If anyone were to touch it or something hit it accidentally it would be intense pain. Massaging never really helped...just made me suffer in pain for awhile....Now I have absolutely no pain in my back really. It is amazing how much the weight loss has made me feel physically better.

I have been sooo thankful to have friends who have donated me their old clothes or clothes that never fit them or whatever the case has been. Since August I have probably spent like maybe only 2o bucks on things that were really a necessity.....its not cool when your undergarments dont fit! lol.

God has taught me sooo much through this process. It has also taught me a lot about some of the people around me. It is interesting to me that some people were more comfortable being my friend because I was fat. I think it is because they felt they had no competition in being so. I am not one to compete on those levels so I dont know why it really mattered. People are interesting. I am eager to see my family and friends in Ventura area because they have only seen me through pictures and what I have told them. So it should be a nice reunion....they have been a great support!

I hope to blog more. I have been really bad. Since losing my journal.....I have really had the chance to reflect back on this last year. It was really a journey to get to where I am now. There has been struggles. I am so thankful that after surgery I was never sick and never had any problems. I really feel that being ready mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is soooo important. I am so thankful for the time I had before surgery to prepare. In hindsight the time I had to wait on vitamin deficiencies and such was secretly a blessing!

Starting weight: 431lbs

Current weight: 286lbs

Total Loss: 145lbs

Total Loss since Surgery: 89lbs (in 17 weeks...avg 5.2lbs a week)

12 weeks post op...the joys of booth sitting. haha.

2009-11-16T17:08:00.001-08:00

The picture on the left is from the day before surgery (8/23/09) and the one on the right is from last week (11/11/09). I have lost about 65lbs since surgery but all together now I have lost 120lbs. It has definitely been a life change already. I was super excited to be able to fit into a booth. For a long time I have always asked my friends to asks for tables instead of booths because I knew that I wouldn't fit in them. I had them sacrifice their comfort for my own. I always felt so bad having to do that. It was really awkward at times when my friends were already at a booth or if a waitress or waiter took us to a booth. It was so uncomfortable telling them I am sorry I am too fat to sit here. There was several times I felt so bad about myself that I ended up in tears. I never wanted to inconvenience my friends. It is nice to fit into booths, most booths that is. A couple of my friends witnessed me trying for one of the first times at Norms to fit into a booth. We had already been seated at some tables because there was like 10 of us. I was probably almost too excited when I could fit. The waitress asked me if that is where I wanted to sit and I explained to her that I used to be too big to fit into their booths.

It has been my intentions to update more. I have wanted to and I plan to. I have so much more I want to share :) Thank you to all my friends who have had to put up with me.

4 days post op

2009-08-28T13:13:00.000-07:00

I have no post surgery complications and nothing to complain about but this evil heat...even that I have to find some joy in...like the fact that it could be worse and God has blessed me with many places to go that have air conditioner :) YAy for that. Even though it has only been four days and I am still only on a liquid diet, I dont think that I would have changed my decision to have the gastric bypass surgery. The incisions seem to be healing well (although I think I have a few of the 25 staples getting a little lose). I am really blessed to be healthy and alive and so thankful for all the thoughts and prayers that went out the last week :) I apprecaite and covet them all!

It has been intresting trying to see how much liquids you can drink. You pretty much know if you have over drank because are likely to throw it back up (sorry to those with a sensitive stomach)....havent actually done that but I know that I have drank maybe one sip too much. There is defititely no gulping allowed. That would be a cause for major pain. They told me that your taste buds could change right after the surgery, the protein power that I though I like before it horrible now but I will drink it and add what I can to it to make it better. There is even certain smells that are really not appealing. I could go without eating or smelling certain foods ever again (weird thing was they are things I liked before).....dont think I could ever hate things like salasa (oh how I look forward to the day I can have that again!!).

I see the surgeon for my one week follow up on tuesday at 3:55. I believe I have the staples removed then. I have already started losing weight, as some would say I am sure that the horrible heat can help. I have been walking a lot :) Which is great. The surgeon wanted me to walk as much as possible. I am stoked about this journey and look forward to the results to come. I am sure that a lot of you are anxious too. I have a couple friends that have been more exicited about this process than me (SHANNON MARIE) and am sure they are awaiting the results.

I was with a friend yesterday at JC Penneys and she was looking for clothes...I would have never thought that one day I may fit in some of the clothes I saw there. In fact, I didn't enjoy shoppinmuch at all. Usually things wouldn't fit well, and if they did they were ugly and were overpriced. I dont think I ever really super enjoyed going clothes shopping with my super skinny friends because the store they went to never had clothes that would fit me. I did enjoy being there as encouragement and things though :)

So more to come on my journey! I praise God for his contniued mercy and grace that he has poured out on my life. I am so blessed and undesrving of all of his gifts. I am so thankful that all of his promiese continue to be true every day! I love God so much and love all of you so much. Thank you for all you have done with just your words alone!

The clock is tickin'

2009-08-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

It is a bit over 12 hours before my gastric bypass surgery and gallbladder removal....I am still excited. Not nervous. I have a feeling I will get nervous right before....Reminds me of when I was in plays in high school I would get really nervous moments before going on stage and then magically once I was on stage everything was great. I have no fears about the surgery. God is in control whatever his plan is.

I am so thankful for all the prayers and encouragement I have recieved...even from people who are across the world :) I am so blest to have the support that I have. I am going to attempt to sleep tonight but between the magnesium citrate earlier and the excitement, I will see just how much sleep I get. My mom and my aunt will be picking me up tomorrow morning. I am so glad that they both could come.

I posted on my facebook the hospital information for anyone who was intrested. The hospital asked me if I cared to have calls and visitors...I said ABSOLUTELY....I may go stir crazy if all I have is moments to my self for hours and hours and hours....lol. I took a couple pictures today..I was kinda sad that I wasn't able to find a battery for my camera to take all the before pictures that I wanted to. I am trying to see if my friend still has a picture of me about a year ago...which would be me 65lbs heavier....I will post that too if I get my hands on it.

Thank you all again for your support and encouragement and I will do my best to update you :)

Love ya!!!

INLAND VALLEY MEDICAL CENTER (IVRMC)

36485 INLAND VALLEY DR., WILDOM AR CA 92595

951-677-1111

SURGERY INSTRUCTIONS

2009-08-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

SURGERY INSTRUCTIONS FOR LAURA BOLEY

INLAND VALLEY MEDICAL CENTER (IVRMC)
36485 INLAND VALLEY DR., WILDOMAR CA 92595, 951-677-1111

SURGERY DATE: 08-24-2009 @ 9:30 AM

ARRIVE AT IVRMC: 08-24-2009 @ 7:30 AM

PRE-REGISTER AT IVRMC ON: 08-20-2009 @ 4:30 PM DONE!

LAST VISIT WITH DR. SUH ON: 08-20-2009 @ 3:20 PM DONE!

- DO NOT TAKE ANY ASPIRIN OR ASPIRIN RELATED PRODUCTS 7 DAYS BEFORE SURGERY AND FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE EXAMPLES: ALEVE, IBUPROFEN, ADVIL, MOTRIN, EXCEDRIN, NAPROXEN, NAPROSYN, LODINE, VOLTAREN, CELEBREX . So I guess its you and me tylenol....I guess I can't have any of those like FOREVER. Tylenol it is.

- DO NOT TAKE ANY BLOOD THINNER 7 DAYS BEFORE SURGERY EXAMPLES: COUMADIN, PLAVIX. Not relevant to me...I dont take any of that.

- DO NOT TAKE ANY FISH OIL OR OMEGA 3 SUPPLEMENTS, VITAMIN E, GLUCOSAMINE OR JOINT SUPPLEMENTS 7 DAYS BEFORE SURGERY. Stopped taking my Omega 3...I asked why I had to stop taking it today, I guess it is a blood thinner, good to know.

- START ON HIGH PROTEIN, ZERO STARCH DIET AS SOON AS POSSIBLE (EAT PLENTY OF VEGETABLES, SALAD, CHICKEN, FISH, TURKEY, LEAN RED MEAT, EGGS, TOFU, LOWFAT COTTAGE CHEESE, LOWFAT YOGURT, OATMEAL. AVOID SODA, BREAD, TORTILLAS, RICE, PASTA, POTATOES, CEREALS AND FOODS HIGH IN SUGAR AND FAT). CAUTION: IF YOU ARE DIABETIC PLEASE MODIFY THIS DIET TO ADAPT TO YOUR DIABETIC DIET. IF YOU HAVE GOUT, PLEASE CALL OUR OFFICE BEFORE YOU START THIS DIET. I haven't had starch really since July 23rd so I think that I will live. Its chicken and fish time! Whoop.

- LABS TO BE DRAWN 08-17-2009 PLEASE CONTACT KAISER This is where the complications started, I have my labs done, I have an infection, I am on meds, and so far no cancellation. So I pray that doesn't change :)

- AVOID RED MEAT, LETTUCE AND LEAFY VEGETABLES AT LEAST 4 DAYS PRIOR TO SURGERY. I have to admit the whole no RED MEAT thing makes me sad. Good thing I had that double double protein style last week...Got my fill...I think its like 6 months before I can have that again. Goodbye lettuce, you will be back one day. Lol

- FULL LIQUIDS DAY BEFORE SURGERY (SUGAR FREE POPSICLES, SUGAR FREE JELLO, BROTH, BOUILLON, CREAMED SOUPS, PROTEIN SHAKES, SUGAR FREE PUDDING). OOOo jell-o sounds good, I think I shall eat jello all day, lol. and of course my lovely protien shake :)

- TAKE 10 oz MAGNESSIUM CITRATE AT 5 PM ON 08-23-2009 (PURCHASED OVER THE COUNTER) this is what you would call a wonderful liquid laxitive. Usually people take a few teaspoons to get movement...I will be drinking the WHOLE bottle. So I will be staying home that night, haha.

- NOTHING TO BE TAKEN BY MOUTH AFTER MIDNIGHT THE MORNING OF YOUR SURGERY Boo, Not that I think I want to eat or drink anything after having the magnessium citrate :(

- ON MORNING (MONDAY AUG 24th) OF SURGERY YOU CAN TAKE BLOOD PRESSURE,ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, PSYCH MEDICATIONS AND/ OR HEART MEDICATIONS WITH A SIP OF WATER (AS LITTLE WATER AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE). Not psycho...yet, they say if you become depressed after the surgery to see a mental health professional. So peeps if I am a downer all the time let me know, I dont want to be a downer, I want to enjoy life.

- START TAKING PRILOSEC PRIOR TO SURGERY AND CONTINUE ON PRILOSEC UP UNTIL 2 MONTHS AFTER SURGERY. never had a problem with acid reflux but whatever, been taking it.

- DISCUSS ALL MEDICATION MANAGEMENT QUESTIONS WITHDR. SUH AT LAST VISIT. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU GO OVER ALL YOUR MEDICATION WITH DR. SUH AT THE LAST VISIT. Did this...still will be taking my thyroid medication. I have heard from some people that you aren't suppose to have pills afterwards but Dr. Suh says that it is fine, I guess the larger ones can be cut in half if needed.

PATIENTS WHO SMOKE MUST HAVE COMPLETELY STOPPED SMOKING AT LEAST 3 WEEKS PRIOR TO SURGERY. Good thing I never started that NASTY habit!

7 days!

2009-08-17T21:09:00.000-07:00

I love counting down.

Anywho, I can't remember a time in my life not being overweight. It seems like it has always been this way. I don't know how many countless times I have tried to lose weight but only failed. It is a lot harder than people try to say it is. You definitely need a lot of disipline. I know that the vitamins that I have been taking and the thyroid medication had helped me in the process of losing some weight.

I don't know that I am excited about the actual sugery or if I am excited about the end result a year or so down the road...but that also scares me. I think so many people are super excited for me and are anxious to see what I look like under all this fat. I guess I am am anxious to see as well. I am afraid of looking awkward, I guess. I can say that most of the time I am very uncomfortable in my fat but there are times when I am very comfortable...It keeps the right things away at times, it had definitely kept me from some hurt, but then again I have still been hurt...I guess life happens not matter what size or shape you are. I am just excited to see what happens.

7 days....

I had so lab test that I had to do today....Guess what? I am not pregnant! Woo, cuz I was worried about that (*rolls eyes*) ...I guess they dont and shouldn't do the surgery on people who are pregnant so I guess it is a vaild test for women (just not for me). So I hope that the rest of my test come back normal, I am really hoping that there is no more delys from all of this. It seems like a long wait already...mid september I will be a whole year since I started this process.

BRING IT ON!

Excited yet nervous

2009-08-13T23:31:00.000-07:00

I am excited yet nervous about everything going on in my life. God has taught me so many amazing things and continues to show me his grace and mercy from day to day. This last year has been an intresting one with just trying to focus on my health. Last year I realized how important it is to glorify God and that includes glorifying God with our bodies because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, I am not my own (1 Cort. 6:19)...I am God's created to worship and glorify him. I had not been glorifying God with my body. Over the years, I had gained so much weight it became hard for me to do even the simplist of tasks. Not only that but I missed out on so many fun things with friends because I was simply to large to do them. A slow process and up and downs it has been. I have lost 62lbs and counting. It hasn't been easy. I have learned just how much disclipine it really does take to do things. It is so much harder when you are overweight to lose the weight.

I never thought I would get up to 440lbs. I cant even remember when I was below 200lbs. That was probably before high school sometime. The teasing in school when I was in elementry, junior high, and high school was hard at times but its only made me who I am today. I forgive all those people for the hurtful things they said. Some things were not true but other things were, I just didn't want to hear them. I think about all the better choices I could have made growing up. The food I could have passed on....But that was then, this is now. Today is about drinking lots of water and eating healthy. I want to be able to serve God and my weight now be an obstacle. Many people know about my choice to have weight loss surgery. I haven't told many people, and now everyone knows.

Last September I embarked on a long process it has come to be, lol. Last September I started some free health education classes called OPTIONS (which was 6 months long) through my insurance Kaiser. It was to look at they different options for weight loss surgery. During that time were learned healthy living and eating as well as important information to know before going into weight loss surgery. A few weeks before the end were were given a survey asking if we wanted to have surgery or not. I decided for my health and my life that it would be the best option. I lost 30lbs during those classes (could have been more if I hadn't been a slacker at times).

March 6, I did all my preop testing: blood tests, ekg, chest xray, abdominal ultrasound. Some of my blood test came back saying that I had some vitamin deficiencies and hypothyroidim. So that set me back because I had to get those levels back before being referred to the surgeon. I recieved b1 injections for 3 weeks and continued to take b1 tablets every day, take the thyroid medication, Omega 3, Vitamin D, and Iron with Vitamin C. Their main concern was my iron. My iron was low at first then it was too high, but they wanted it to be high because they didn't want to send me to the hematologist to figure out why the iron wasnt sticking to the cells to create new blood (my body was lacking 4 pints of blood and had to build that up). So finally everything was normal and I was referred. Yay!

Got to see the surgeon July 23rd. And had my Psych eval July 29th. Monday I went to a patient education class which just talked about the surgery. Tuesday I went to a support group. And today, thursday I went to a pre-op education class in Murrieta (thanks to my friend Ray to took me to Murrieta and to Laura Moore for driving me to Corona on Tuesday and to Samantha Horvath for bring me home on Tuesday, and Amanda and Paul who took me to my appointment on Monday. I couldn't make it to these mandatory meetings without you guys)

I have a lot of support from my family and from my friends and from my amazing church. My reasonings for wanting to lose weight are not strictly vanity (I would be lying a little if I said it had nothing to do with it) but because I looked at my life and my body and I didn't feel like I was glorifying God with my body.I know that I can serve God to a greater capacity when I lose weight. I hope to join people at my church on the missions field soon.

When I saw my surgeon on JUly 23rd told me to not eat any starch before the surgery...so far so good, I have lost 16lbs...I didn't realize just how much starch there is in like almost every thing. I will keep you all updated. I am hoping to get a new battery for my camera to take a bunch of before pictures and post them...some REAL pictures of me....not just the ones where I look good because I know my "angles" I wish I would have taken a full body shot 60lbs ago though. Anywho, message me if you have any questions.

A random story I wrote a long time ago when I was bored in BUSINESS LAW

2009-08-13T23:30:00.001-07:00

A Big Hairy What?

Written By: Laura M. Boley

Illustrated By: Laura M. Boley

This Story is dedicated to Jonathan Casaus and all my lovely friends that had to suffer through business law with me.

I love you all!

Special Thanks to:

Ø God: For all the gifts that he's given me.

Ø Heather Bordner: You are a great friend!

Ø Eric Bordner: For letting me use your name!

Ø Jesse Kasperian: For giving me another name to use.

Ø Zina Anderson: You are cool!

Ø Professor Ritter: For being so boring, you inspired me to spice up your class and this is the result of that!

Ø Jonathan Casaus: Thanks for being a pal eyebrow man!!! You truly inspired me.

Ø To my family: I love you!

Ø Everyone Else: Should have been in Business Law you might have been in here too.

There once was a little girl named Tabitha. She was a very shy girl, kept to herself most of the time. Tabitha had no friends because they were all afraid of her big busy eyebrow. In the second grade, Tabitha's eyes brow poked a little boy's eye during a game of dodge ball. Ever since that day no one would come near her.

When Tabitha entered into the seventh grade she still had no friends and her science class did not change that. One day while Tabitha worked on a science project in class she accidentally mixed the wrong solution and burnt off half of her eyebrow. Everyone thought that she was a freak especially when she came to school the next day with the rest of her eyebrow penciled-in three shades lighter the her actual hair color.

Many years had past and Tabitha's eyebrow had grown back. She finished high school and went off to college, trying to start a new life. Tabitha was in an all girl apartment complex at her university. One day Tabitha overheard a couple of girls talking about her.

"She has potential," said one of the girls who was tall and slender. Tabitha knew the girl as the "pink girl" because she was always wearing pink. Tabitha remembered the girls' name was Zina.

"I think that all she needs is a little tweeze-tweeze," said the other girl, Heather. Heather is one of the first girls that Tabitha met during orientation when she first started college but she never talked to her much after that. Tabitha had always thought that Heather was a little on the snobbish side.

The girls went on their way and Tabitha went and cried herself to sleep. The next morning Tabitha awoke to go to class. On her was to class she pasted three football players who pointed and chuckled at her when she past then in that halls. Tabitha forced herself not to cry because she wanted to look as id it didn't matter to her but it really did. Tabitha wanted desperately to have friends and fit in but she feared that it would never happen.

Tabitha's classes went on like usual. On her was back from her classes she bumped into Zina, Heather, and their friend Laura. Laura was the most average looking girl of the three and never had strikes Tabitha as being as snobbish as the other two.

"Hey Tabitha!" said Laura. Tabitha was quite surprised that they were even talking to her.

"Uh….Hi!" said Tabitha. "Can I help you?"

Actually, Tabitha we would like to help you," said Heather. Zina and Laura nodded in affirmation, "we would like you to join us for a girl's night at my apartment." Tabitha was a little confused and a bit scared. Tabitha could not understand why they would want her to spend time with them all of a sudden.

"O……Come on Tabitha…it will be fun," said Laura enthusiastically.

"Well uhh…ummm. I guess I…"

"Great! We'll pick you up at six," said Zina before letting Tabitha give an answer.

"Um… Okay." The girls left and Tabitha continued on to her place contemplating what had just taken place. She debated whether or not she should cancel. Tabitha began to think of all the opportunities, maybe people will like her is she knows Heather, Laura, and Zina. Tabitha decided to go but told herself to be careful because it could be some kind of trap. Of course right on time Laura Heather and Zina arrive to pick up Tabitha.

"Tabitha, this is going to be so much fun…we are going to watch The Princess Bride, talk about boys, eat chocolate, and paint each others nails," said Heather. Tabitha grew particularly interested in the part about boys even though she didn't really have any boys to talk about.

The four girls went on their way to Heather's apartment. They did exactly what Heather had said, they go to her apartment and watched the movie and ate chocolate. Tabitha was really surprised that everything was going so well.

After the movie Zina suggested doing each others hair, nails, and make-up. Tabitha became very uncomfortable and nervous but she sucked it up knowing that they would hurt her.

"I will do Laura's make-up," announced Zina.

"I will do Tabitha's," said Heather eagerly.

"Uh…ok," said Tabitha. Heather seated Tabitha on a little stool in front of herself. Heather began to look over Tabitha trying to decide a plan of action.

"Hummmm," said Heather after pondering over Tabitha for minutes, "humm, nah….maybe…ummm,…That's it! Tabitha, have you ever thought about plucking your eyebrow?" The room grew silent as everyone awaited an answer. A lump grew in Tabitha's throat, she remembered her mom telling her many times that she was beautiful the way that she was.

"Umm," said Tabitha, "I have never put much thought into it."

"Well do you mind if I pluck your eyebrow?"

"Will it hurt?" asked Tabitha.

"It only stings a little," said Zina as she prepared a facial mask to put on Laura.

"Well I guess it will be…okay," said Tabitha nervously. Heather began to start on Tabitha's thick bushy eyebrow. Heather worked hard, sculpting them to perfection. Because Tabitha's eyebrow was so bushy and had never been plucked before it took what seemed like hours to separate the conjoined eyebrow. By this time Zina had finished with Laura's make-up and worked on one eyebrow as Heather continued to work on the other. Laura worked to hold Tabitha down because Tabitha didn't consider her eyebrow being plucked as "a little sting" plus it had been apart of Tabitha for so long. Finally after hours the eyebrows appeared. Heather, Laura, and Zina stood back in amazement at what had been accomplished. Zina was so amazed that a tear came to her eye.

"Why are you crying?" asked Tabitha.

Zina sniffed a replied, "you're just so beautiful." Tabitha was surprised by the comment because her mom had been the only one to ever tell her that and she had not yet seen the finished eyebrows. Tabitha stood up and walked over to a small mirror and gazed into it at herself.

"Oh, my!!!!" exclaimed Tabitha. "I can't believe my eyes, is that really me, look at my eyebrow, I mean eyebrows." Tabitha was so overjoyed with what she saw she ran and hugged Zina, Heather, and Laura. The continued to be in awe at what they'd accomplished even if it had been their plan from the beginning.

The girls spent the next few hours talking about boys. Tabitha still lacked a lot of the confidence when it came to boys. The girls could have probably talked all night but the all had classes the next day. Zina drove Tabitha back home. That night Tabitha had a hard time falling asleep due to all of the excitement but eventually she was able to.

Tabitha awoke the next morning not even thinking about what had happened the night before. She got ready as usual and left like usual for her classes but this was not just any ordinary day. For the first time in Tabitha's life somebody whistled at her as she walked by them. Even the same guys who had made fun of her only the day before didn't even recognize her as the approached her.

"Hey Baby…did it hurt when you fell from heaven>" said Eric. Eric was tall with broad shoulders. He was what Tabitha had always considered to be dreamy. With Eric was Jesse and Tim. Jesse was model material and Tim was the kind of guy that could get any girl that he wanted. Tabitha became very confused by Eric's remarks and couldn't understand why he was being so nice. Although Tabitha thought that they were pigs she began to enjoy the attention she was getting. Tabitha excused herself and continues on to her classes.

Later that day Tabitha ran into Zina, Heather, and Laura. They were on their way to the dining commons on campus.

"Hey Tabitha, come join us for lunch," said Laura.

"Okay, sure" said Tabitha with no hesitation. As they all continued on their way the pointed out all they guy that they thought were cute as well as those who were not so cute. At one point Zina pointed and laughed at a guy who sat and read a book to himself. The guy never really had any friends; he was shy, kept to himself. No one ever went around him because they were afraid of his big, busy….that's right…eyebrow.

The girls laughed at him and continued on their way. While they were eating Tabitha could not help but think of all that had happened o their way to the cafeteria. All of a sudden Tabitha became very appalled with herself. Over night she had became like one of the girls that she had always admired and yet she felt miserable as she remembered the things that they had said about the guy with the big bushy eyebrow. After lunch the girls said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

Tabitha though that it would be a good idea to talk to the t guy with the eyebrow so she could clear her conscience by apologizing. The guy was right in the same place as where he was when she had pasted him earlier. Tabitha slowly approached him nervously rehearsing what she would tell him.

"Hhhh…hi, said Tabitha shyly. The guy looked up surprised that he was being talked to especially by someone who was as beautiful as Tabitha.

"Arrr…re you talking to me?' said the guy. He wanted to make sure that she was really talking to him.

"Yes, I am. My name is Tabitha," she rambled on, "I know that you don't know me but I want to apologize to you. Earlier today I walked by with some friends who did not say very nice things about you. I laughed at what they said and now I feel really horrible. I have no right making fun if you especially because I was just like you until yesterday. Overnight I have become a horrible person. Please, please forgive me."

The guy tried to take everything in. He still didn't quite understand what was happening, "I forgive you, if that makes you feel better. I am used to it."

"The point is that I was wrong! I have never acted this was before. I was wondering if I could make this up to you in some was. Maybe I could take you to dinner. By, the way I didn't catch your name."

"My name is Jon." Jon was still in awe that a beautiful girl was talking to him and even more amazed that she was asking him out. "I don't think that dinner would be necessary," said Jon.

"I will not take no for an answer!' said Tabitha. Jon decided that it was very nice that Tabitha was asking him out and he figure that it would be a good time to get to know Tabitha.

"You know what dinner sounds good, where should we meet?" asked Jon.

"Why don't you call me so we can make further plans for dinner tonight? My number is 555-555; call me around 5:30."

"Okay, I will do that," said Jon as her took down Tabitha's phone number.

Tabitha ran off because she was already late for class. Jon sat there still for a little stunned by what had just happened. He looked down at the number and began to wonder if it was really even her number. He pulled out his cell phone and took at deep breath and began to dial. No answer but she did get an answer machine. I was Tabitha. Jon quickly hung up his phone and became very excited that everything had been true. He started to get really nervous about calling her back at 5:30.

As you can guess 5:30 rolled around and Tabitha waited near the phone. Zina came by to see how she was.

"Hey girl, what are you up to?" asked Zina.

"I am waiting for a phone call. I am going to dinner with a guy that I met today."

"Really?" said Zina excited to hear the news, "Who is he?"

"Well…his name is Jon," Tabitha said slowly, "you don't know him but I think that you might recognize him if you saw him. Do you remembers that guy, (recalls their earlier conversation with Zina and Heather on their way to lunch) the one with the eyebrow?"

"You've got to be kidding me, the eyebrow guy. You can do way better then him, he's all eyebrow."

"Jon is a very nice guy. I don't remember you ever having a say in my decisions." By this time Zina was furious and a little hurt she walked out of Tabitha's place just as the phone rang.

"Hello?" said Tabitha

"Uh…hi…this is um…Jon. You said to call you at this time."

"Yeah Jon how about we meet at my place at 6:30 and go to Pe Pe's Mexican restaurant downtown?"

"That sounds good."

@ Dinner!

Tabitha and Jon arrived at Pe Pe's around 6:45. Tabitha had called and made reservations earlier that day. The waiter seated them in a cozy little corner located near a tall brick fire place. Both Tabitha and Jon were a little uneasy because neither of them had ever been out with someone before. There was silence fore a few moments as the two sat in disbelief.

Jon was the first to break the silence. "This is a very nice restaurant. Thanks for inviting me even if I still don't think that it is at all necessary.

Tabitha quickly replied "you don't even know how much I want to repay you for earlier. I fee bad I really had no right. You see the girls that I was with earlier gave me a makeover last night. I wasted so desperately to fit in so I jumped at the opportunity to joke with them. For a second it was nice that joke was not on me but it wasn't even a minute later that I wish it had been."

"I think that a simple apology was enough."

"You are too kind but I thought the best way to show you that I was really sorry was to take you out to dinner. And besides…." She said as she bit her bottom lib, "I have never been on a date before."

"A d-d-d-ate?" said Jon fumbling over his words.

"Well….um….if you want to call it a date. I am sorry I shouldn't have classified it as a date," said Tabitha as she turned red from embarrassment.

"No, its o-ok I have never been on a date before also…this is my first." Tabitha breathed in a sigh of relief that Jon too considered their outgoing a date.

"You know, I don't normally do this type of things….to be truthful usually girls intimidate me. Can I just tell you that you are very beautiful Tabitha? I have always thought that you were beautiful."

Tabitha was a little confused by Jon's comment consider that they had just met earlier that day. She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and brushy cheeks and said, "how could you have always thought that I was beautiful if we only met today?"

"Well you see I have seen you around before. I have watched you walk to class. There were many times I wanted to approach you but I never had the guts to do it."

By this time Tabitha was a tad creped out at Jon's stockerish appeal but even more enchanted by his sincerity. "I don't know what to say," replied Tabitha.

"You don't have to say anything but I want you to realize that you are beautiful and you did not need a make over to win me over. You has me from the moment you walked passed me as you hurried to class. I know that this may be a little awkward and I don't expect you to give me an answer or even a yes but it would be my honor to go out with you again sometime." There was silence for a few moments. Jon had just about regretted what he had just said. He was sure that Tabitha's answer was going to be a no because he couldn't comprehend why any girl as beautiful as Tabitha would go out with a busy eye-browed guy like him.

After what seemed like an eternity to Jon Tabitha spoke, "I couldn't think of anyone I would rather spend time with then you. You have shown me great kindness, something that I really haven't experienced before and it would be MY HONOR to go out with you again.

Ending #1

The two finished up their dinner and paid. There had not been a moment of silence the whole time because two had talked and talked like they had known each other for years. The two got up and walked towards the door. As the door opened a gush of freezing cold air sent a shiver up Tabitha's spine. Jon noticed that Tabitha was cold and offered her his coat and she accepted.

The two walked to Tabitha's car. As Tabitha slipped into the car a homeless looking guy approached Jon and asked him for money. Jon explained to man that he had no money and before Tabitha's eyes the man pulled out a gun and shot Jon in the chest. The bullet penetrated through Jon's body and his blood splirted all over the window of Tabitha's car. The man ran and Tabitha rand to the aid of Jon as she screamed for someone to help, but it was too late Jon was dead.

~The End~

Ending #2

The two walked to Jon's truck. Jon opened Tabitha's door and helped her in. They arrived back at Tabitha's house shortly and Jon walked Tabitha to the door. They talked out front of her place for a while.

"Well, I should be going; I have an early class tomorrow. This has been a night that I will never forget because it is one of the best I have ever had." Tabitha took off Jon's coat and gave it back too him.

"It has been one of the best nights for me too because I was with you." Tabitha leaved in to give Jon a hug. The two embraced each other for minutes.

"Good night Jon," said Tabitha as she gave Jon a kiss on the cheek. Jon almost fell over when Tabitha kissed him.

"You.u.u have a good night too. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"I will be looking forward to hearing from you, good bye Jon," said Tabitha with a big smile. Jon walked back to his truck. That night the two of them dreamt about being in each others arms. The next morning as Tabitha walked to her class she was approached by Zina, Laura, and Heather.

"Hi Tabitha!" said the girls.

"Hi, I am surprised that you are talking to me after what happened yesterday."

"Of course we are. We just wanted to let you know you can do way better then that eyebrow guy."

"His name is Jon," replied Tabitha sternly.

"We just wanted to let you know that Eric thinks that you are hot. He wants to go out with you sometime. It would be good for your image to be seen with him. He's the hottest guy on campus, if we didn't already have other boyfriends we would snatch him up," said Laura. Tabitha thought about her date with Jon last night but the opportunity of being popular always seemed to arise at the front of her mind.

"I don't know what to say," said Tabitha.

"Then you'll go…That's great, I'll tell Eric," said Zina.

"I didn't say…" before Tabitha could explain the girls left and told Eric that she said yes. It seemed that Tabitha was stuck in a date with Eric.

After all Tabitha's classes were done she was walking back to her apartment when she heard someone calling her name. She turned and it was Jon. He ran up and gave her a hug.

"How are you doing today?" asked Jon.

"Good, yourself?"

"Not bad," replied Jon. It was at this time Eric walked up behind Tabitha.

"Hey Babe! I will pick you up around 6:00 for our date," said Eric as he patted Tabitha on her bottom.

Jon looked at Tabitha with hurt in his eyes, "you have a date tonight?"

"It is not what you think," said Tabitha fumbling around for the right words to say.

"Oh I think I see what is happening, last night was a joke, huh? Did your friends put you up to this? Huh? Answer me," exclaimed Jon.

No, yesterday was wonderful, you're wonderful," said Tabitha as she started to cry.

Stop playing games with my heat Tabitha, you are a liar," said Jon as he walked away from Tabitha who was still crying. She turned and ran home.

At home Tabitha sat and cried and thought about what had just happened with Jon, he had really hurt her feelings. She was mad that he had jumped to conclusions. She thought that maybe the best thing she could do was forget about him and go on the date with Eric. Eric arrived about 6:30 he brought a yellow rose for Tabitha.

"So where are we going?" asked Tabitha.

"Have you ever heard of Pe Pe's, it's a little Mexican restaurant downtown."

"Yes, I have been there." Tabitha couldn't help but think of what had happened there just the night before.

Eric and Tabitha arrived at Pe Pe's and waited for a table. The were seated in a dimly lit corner that was located near a back exit where each time someone would leave a hush of freezing cold air would com in making Tabitha shiver.

'You look hot tonight, babe," said Eric. Eric was always known for being a smooth talker.

"Thank you, you look nice yourself," said Tabitha.

'I know," exclaimed Eric. Tabitha became very disgusted by Eric's egotistical nature but she knew that being with him would make her popular and she was enjoying the attention. Eric pulled his chair closer to Tabitha and put his hand on her knee. Tabitha was surprised and didn't really know how to react so she did nothing.

"You look cold Tabitha, maybe I can help you with that," said Eric as he moved his hand further and further up Tabitha's thigh. Tabitha was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable and moved away from Eric.

"Come on Babe…don't you like it?" asked Eric.

Tabitha just looked at Eric, surprised that he would say that and said, "Don't come on babe me. I am not that kind of girl. I think that we should leave now," exclaimed Tabitha.

"But we haven't gotten to dessert yet," said Eric lifting on eyebrow as he stared down at Tabitha's chest.

"You're a pig!"

"I thought this is what you wanted. If you want to be cool, you need to lighten up babe and have a little fun. A lot of girls would kill to have a date with me!"

"Take me home now!!!" exclaimed Tabitha loud enough the whole restaurant heard.

"Fine, throw away any chance you have being popular," said Eric. Tabitha knew she wanted to be popular but she didn't want to give up her dignity to become so. They left Pe Pe's. Eric drove fast back to Tabitha's place. When he approached Tabitha's apartment he slammed on his breaks and ordered her at of his car. "You just lost the chance of a life time," said Eric. Tabitha didn't even respond or look back.

Tabitha enters her place and thought about all that had happened to her in the last several days. She began to cry when she thought about Jon and how'd she had hurt his feelings; she realized that she had been really selfish.

Tabitha again became appalled by her actions, she realized that she could have said no to Eric when he said that he would pick her up at six but she hadn't. Because of her selfishness she lost the best thing that had ever happened to her, Jon. Tabitha went to bed that night and cried herself to sleep. She stayed in her room all weekend wondering if her mistake had been letting the girls pluck her eyebrow in the first place. Her mom had said she was beautiful and Jon did too.

Tabitha knew that it would be hard to patch things up with Jon but she knew that she had to try. Although Tabitha had only known Jon for a short time it was in that little time he showed immeasurable love for her. Tabitha decided that being popular wasn't worth the pain and was defiantly not worth losing Jon over. Tabitha took a week off of school and went home to her family's house. She told her mom all that had happened to her.

"The greata thing," said Tabitha's mom, Irene, "is that when you plucka' the eyebrow, it always comma' back, and a little more busy too."

Tabitha's eyebrow had already started to grow back and it grew back quickly. By the end of the week it was bushier then ever. Tabitha looked in the mirror and for once was happy with what she saw. Tabitha left back to school that night. The next morning on the way to class she sat Heather, Laura, and Zina.

"OOOOOO…girl! You need to keep that thing plucked to look good!" said Zina.

"I don't care about that. I like my eyebrow the way it is," said Tabitha.

"But you look ugly," said Heather. Laura couldn't help but laugh at Heather's comment.

"You know I used to care what you thought about me but right now I could care less. I totally regret ever letting you pluck my eyebrow," said Tabitha. Heather, Laura, and Zina were amazed by what Tabitha was saying not because it was hurtful to them but because she actually stood up for herself even if she wasn't thinking clearly.

"You're making a big mistake Tabitha. We made you beautiful and popular and now you throw that away to be ugly again," said Zina.

I am not ugly. I am beautiful. I don't care what you or anyone else things of me. I used to want to be beautiful and have lots of friends but if it means having friends that are as self-centered as you, count me out!" continued Tabitha. Tabitha turned and started to walk away when she bumped into Eric, Brian, and Jesse.

"Excuse me," said Tabitha. Eric mad it almost impossible for Tabitha to move anywhere. "Please move now!" said Tabitha sternly.

Was this the girl that you went out with Eric?" said Jesse. "I can't believe that you went out with this eyebrow girl."

"Was she good in bed?" asked Brian.

"You think that I would ever touch someone as ugly as her? She was a horrible date. What happened to you? Why you look so ugly?" asked Eric.

"Leave me alone," said Tabitha as she pushed her way through the boys with all her might. Once Tabitha got through she ran to the bathroom and cried. "Why do people always have to pick on me? Why won't they leave me alone?" Tabitha stayed in the bathroom through her first class trying to make sure no one could tell that she had been crying. Tabitha finished up the rest of her classes that day without any more encounters.

As Tabitha walked home she realized Jon was in his usual place reading like usual. Tabitha wanted so badly to approach him but she was still upset by what he had said to her the week before. As much as she wanted to swallow her pride and approach him she couldn't.

As she past Jon's eyes rose up from his book to get a glimpse of Tabitha. He wanted so badly to approach her but he wasn't ready to swallow his pride and do so. A month had past by and each time Tabitha passed Jon she would think of what might have been if she hadn't been so foolish.

By this time Jon had started to notice that the Tabitha that he first liked had appeared again. He wanted so desperately to tell her that he still had feelings for her. As the month passed Tabitha's eyebrow grew in thicker and thicker each day Jon thought she was getting prettier and prettier.

One sunny day Jon finally gave in and went over to Tabitha's place to see how she was doing. Tabitha had just settled down to do a little studying when she heard a knock at the door. Tabitha fumbled all of her stuff to the side and went to open the door. To her surprise there was a only a note with a red rose tied to it on her doorstep.

On the envelope it read: To Tabitha. Tabitha didn't know what to make of the letter. She thought that it might be a trick. Tabitha went back inside and sat on the couch and opened the envelope and began to read the letter.

Dearest Tabitha,

I can't stop thinking about you. I am sorry for all the hurtful things that I said to you. I know that I should have done this in person but I was too afraid of what you might say. I see you each day walking to class, I think about what could have been between us. I love the way you walk and toss your hair to the side. You are truly beautiful Tabitha, both inside and out!

~Jon

A tear came to Tabitha's eye as she read. She ran out the door hoping to find Jon waiting but he wasn't there. Tabitha anxiously waited the next day so she could tell Jon how she felt about him. Tabitha had it all planned out. After all of her classes she would march up to Jon and tell him just how she feels about him.

After all of her classes were over Tabitha made he way to Jon's normal spot, but he was not there. Tabitha was upset that she was not going to be able to talk to Jon. Tabitha hurried back to her apartment. When she arrived home she found another note with another red rose pinned to it. Tabitha quickly opened it to see what Jon had to say, but it wasn't from Jon…just kidding. His is what Jon wrote:

Dearest Tabitha,

I couldn't think of anything better then spending time with you. I want to take you out tonight to apologize for the hurtful things that I have said to you. Will you be my date tonight?

Love Always,

Jon

P.S. If you accept my invitation meet me at @ 6:30 for dinner at Pe Pe's.

Tabitha was really excited. Tabitha couldn't figure out why Jon never left his number. Tabitha went into her apartment and got ready. Tabitha wanted to look her best for Jon so she tried on outfit after outfit trying to find the perfect one. She thought one made her look too fat, another made butt looked too big, and other just want going with her complexion.

Finally after a half and hour of trying on clothes Tabitha made her final decision. By the time Tabitha got dressed and ready it was nearing 6:15. She knew that she was suppose to be at Pe Pe's at 6:30 but it didn't look like she was going to make it on time. Tabitha gathered her things together and headed out the door to meet Jon.

Jon meanwhile had arrived early to make preparations for Tabitha's arrival. He requested the same table that they had for their first date, the one nestled by the fireplace. Jon eagerly awaited Tabitha's arrival. 6:30 passed, and then 6:45, it was nearing 7:00 and Jon was just about losing all hope that Tabitha was going to show up. At 7:00 Jon began gathering up things to leave for home. His face was long with sadness and disappointment. Jon slowly made his way to the front when Tabitha hurried through the doors.

Tabitha noticed Jon and ran up and threw her arms around him, "Sorry I am late there was traffic." Jon didn't care anymore about her being late he was too overjoyed that she came at all.

"Thank you for meeting me Tabitha," said Jon. The two made their way back to their cozy table. "Tabitha I want you to know that I am sorry for how I reacted to Eric. It was wrong of me. I want you to know that there hasn't been a day that I haven't missed you or longed to talk to you or have you near to me. I really miss you Tabitha. Please say that you forgive me and that we can start over."

"You know Jon, day after day I would pass you and I too longed to be near you. I am just sad that I was too foolish not to approach you sooner. I apologize too."

"What for?" asked Jon.

"I should have never accepted the date with Eric, especially when I had you."

"It seems like we both made some mistakes, how about we start again Tabitha?" Join raised his glass to make a toast. "To us. Me and you Tabitha. May new beginnings bring a bright future."

~The End~

Jon and Tabitha went on to date for about a year until Jon proposed to Tabitha in the cozy little corner at Pe Pe's restaurant. The two married shortly after and had several children, whom they taught that the beauty of a person is found inside one's heart. They lived happily ever after.

About the Author

Laura Boley was born March 16, 1982 in Ventura California to the parents of Kelly and Mark Boley. As a child her parents knew she was special!! "This story confirms just how special Laura really is," said her mother. "I swear I didn't drop her when she was young," said her father. Laura graduated from California Baptist University May 1, 2004 and recieved her Masters from there in May 2006. She is now trying to find something productive to do with her life!

*about the author recently updated....Orignal did not include masters information

life as i know it in the recent past...

2009-07-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

So on Friday I was watching on the news and they were talking about the only way to get tickets to the Michael Jackson Memorial was to sign-up on staplescenter.com and there would be a random lottery of all the people who had signed up. After server error after sever error my request finally went in. On Sunday after I came back from a wonderful day of celebrating Amanda Lindquist's birthday (we went to see Pirates in Buena park and then went to Downtown Disney) I thought I would check my email and see if I got my rejection letter....

......but as you can guess it wasn't a rejection letter it was a CONGRATULATIONS! I quickly got my voucher on TicketMaster...woo.

More than 1.6 million people registered for free tickets, A total of 8,750 people were chosen to receive two tickets each. Today I had to pick up the tickets and wristbands at Dodger Stadium. We were amid heavy police presence...I think there were several "check points", if you will, just to make sure you had a voucher before you could move further down the road. They put our wristbands on for us tight enough that we can't get them off and lose and enough that it didn't cut off vital circulation. The police were cheering for the winners, which really got people excited. People were honking their horns and cheering.

I am excited to go to the memorial tomorrow to celebrate the talent of Micheal Jackson. His music will live forever in our lives. I remember getting a Michael Jackson CD when I was a kid and me and my sister played it over and over and over again. Although is life was met with controvery I go not to celebrate all that he did in his life but to stand with others and remember the wonderful music that he has brought to our world.

The Bible vs. The Book of Mormon

2009-06-25T17:50:00.000-07:00

Doing a "HEART CHECK"

2009-05-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

This morning I was reading Spurgeon's Morning and Evending Devotion, lately it has been a big encourage for me to press on. This is todays:

Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Devotional

John 16:33
In the world ye shall have tribulation.

Art thou asking the reason of this, believer? Look upward to thy heavenly Father, and behold Him pure and holy. Dost thou know that thou art one day to be like Him? Wilt thou easily be conformed to His image? Wilt thou not require much refining in the furnace of affliction to purify thee? Will it be an easy thing to get rid of thy corruptions, and make thee perfect even as thy Father which is in heaven is perfect? Next, Christian, turn thine eye downward. Dost thou know what foes thou hast beneath thy feet? Thou wast once a servant of Satan, and no king will willingly lose his subjects. Dost thou think that Satan will let thee alone? No, he will be always at thee, for he "goeth about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." Expect trouble, therefore, Christian, when thou lookest beneath thee. Then look around thee. Where art thou? Thou art in an enemy's country, a stranger and a sojourner. The world is not thy friend. If it be, then thou art not God's friend, for he who is the friend of the world is the enemy of God. Be assured that thou shalt find foe-men everywhere. When thou sleepest, think that thou art resting on the battlefield; when thou walkest, suspect an ambush in every hedge. As mosquitoes are said to bite strangers more than natives, so will the trials of earth be sharpest to you. Lastly, look within thee, into thine own heart and observe what is there. Sin and self are still within. Ah! if thou hadst no devil to tempt thee, no enemies to fight thee, and no world to ensnare thee, thou wouldst still find in thyself evil enough to be a sore trouble to thee, for "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked." Expect trouble then, but despond not on account of it, for God is with thee to help and to strengthen thee. He hath said, "I will be with thee in trouble; I will deliver thee and honour thee."

We need to keep out eyes focused on above and that does not mean that we won't suffer hardship. It always seems that the closer I get to the Lord the further Satan tries to take me. Trial and tribulations are used by the Lord to refine us and make us more like him. It is so important that we observe our heart daily.

Several years ago I was able to go to Maui to be a Bible study leader at a Super Summer. I remember the camp pastor telling the kids the importance of doing a heart check daily. We all know that if the heart is beating properly we are going to experience more problems. The heart is a very important part of our functioning. The pastor asked us "How's your heart?" What an important question. How is your heart Christian? And whom does it beat for? I constantly find myself falling short of where I should be. I am so thankful that I serve a God that is full of grace and forgiveness. I recognize just how disgusting my sin must be in front of a HOLY GOD. Actually I can't even imagine what it is like. I praise God for making me a lover of him when I was an enemy of God.

Anywho, that is my little tid bit on what I was thinking about today, there is more but I don't want to make this blog any longer that it already is. I know may people look at my blog see that it is long and then decide not to read it.

One of my favorite hymns!

2009-05-15T16:16:00.001-07:00

Hymn!!!! and a history lesson! I love this!

The Old Rugged Cross

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For 'twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He'll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I'll share.

So I'll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

Words & Music: George Bennard, 1913

The cross. The cross of Christ. In 1913, George Bennard was struggling with a problem that caused him much suffering. His mind went back again and again to Christ's anguish on the cross. This was the heart of the gospel! The cross he pictured was no gold-covered icon. It was a rough, splintery thing, stained with gore.

"I saw the Christ of the Cross as if I were seeing John 3:16 leave the printed page, take form and act out the meaning of redemption," he said later. (John 3:16 is probably the most familiar verse of the New Testament: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.")

This theme was so great, it needed a song. In a room in Albion, Michigan, Bennard sat down and wrote a tune. But the only words that would come to him were "I'll cherish the old rugged cross." He struggled for weeks to set words to the melody he had written.

As a Methodist evangelist, Bennard was scheduled to preach a series of messages in New York. He found himself focusing on the cross. The theme of the cross grew increasingly more urgent to him. Back in Albion, Michigan, he sat down and tried again to put together the words. This time the lines came. He later told Dr. Al Smith, "I sat down and immediately was able to rewrite the stanzas of the song without so much as one word failing to fall into place. I called in my wife, took out my guitar, and sang the completed song to her. She was thrilled!"

On this day, June 7, 1913, according to his own account, George Bennard introduced the new hymn in a revival meeting he was conducting in Pokagon, Michigan. "The Old Rugged Cross," soon became one of the top ten most popular hymns of the twentieth century.

Retrieved June 14, 2006 from here

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What I love about this song....is that it really focus me heart and mind back on the Cross and what Christ did for me. It is my favorite hymn of all time. I have lots of favorite hymns but there is something about this one that really connects me to the cross. I often find that I sing this song to myself throughout the day. And the song comes to my mind more when there are trials in my life. To know what Jesus suffered on the cross is so much bigger then my problems. This song makes me praise him for his excellent greatness! Praise God for the old hymn writers who have shaped Christian music as we know it today.

if you have never heard it you can listen to it here: Old Rugged Cross

Things I hate

2009-05-15T16:14:00.001-07:00

Well just a list of a few things that I hate..............

I hate when people have a problem with me and dont tell me what it is.
I hate the silent treatment.
I hate Satan.
I hate chocolate cake.
I hate that I am not more photogenic
I hate being too fat to do the fun things I used to do.
I hate being told I need to lose so weight, I ready know that!
I hate anything that is the smell of musk, it reminds me of convelsent homes filled with smelly old ladies.
I hate doing the dishes.
I hate manipulation, and hypocrisy.
I hate Lying, Cheating, Bullying and Deceiving.
Lack of integrity.
I hate being mad at.
I semi-hate a lack of sense of humor.
I hate child abuse.
I hate lack of concern for ones own children.
I hate disrespect and mistreatment of parents and elders.
I hate giving more importance to career than God and family.
I extremely dislike tardiness.
I hate acceptance of failure without trying.
I hate taking credit of the work done by others.
I hate corruption.
I hate that my cats demand attention from me at my most busy moments.
I hate snobbishness or snobbery.
I hate judging others without knowing anything about them or giving them the benefit of doubt.
I absolutely hate email spam.
I hate bad breath.
I dislike when promises aren't kept.
I hate terrorism.
I hate incompetence among educators.
I hate greediness and insensitivity among medical professionals.
I hate the inability to appreciate others.
I hate the habit of finding fault with others and finding others mistakes.
I hate insincere compliments.
I hate paper cuts.
I hate any pooping that happens in public bathrooms.
I hate racism
I hate income tax filing
I hate telemarketing
I hate anime
I hate being alone
I hate when my toe itches
I hate not being at the beach
I hate when it is too hot..just as I hate when it is too cold (although it is my fundamental belief that one can always put more on then he can take off).
I hate being left our purposely
I hate that I dont read my Bible enough
I hate when one has way too much back hair
I hate periods.
I hate guys who don't get to know girls and vise versa before they say they don't like them.
I hate when people lead people on.
I hate that I have to pee right now.
I hate most reality shows produced on a low budget by cable networks
I hate being interrogated
I hate when my watch breaks or I can't find it.
I hate the sound of the watch ticking at night
I hate that there is a number of unread books I own
I hate customer service that has been outsourced to a different country.
I hate when addresses are not clearly maked on the house or the curb.
I hate having chapped lips.
I hate being wrong.
I hate admitting I am wrong.
I hate tests.
I hate failing.
I hate when people have cell phones and never answer
I hate when people have cell phones and don't know how to check their messages so their mailboxes are always full (if this is you....I can help).
Evil birds that chirp at the wee hours of the night
Gardening with loud tools (ex mowers or weed whackers) before 9amespecially when it is before 7am.
I hate ungratefulness.
I hate not being able to contribute more to things.
I hate cleaning out the cat little box.
I hate when my Internet doesnt work.
I hate seats or chairs or booths (at restaurants or anywhere) that are not wide enough for me.
I hate that I am writing about what I hate.so I will stop.

I am sure there is a lot more that I hate, but I just cant remember. I say I hate these things that doesnt at all mean that I dont do some of these things. No one is perfect and I know that.

The End

Lmb

Stay tuned for Things I love

What do you think ladies?

2009-05-08T18:00:00.001-07:00

In His Footsteps

2009-05-08T17:59:00.001-07:00

"Each of us needs the immortal words of wisdom from the Holy Bible. It is from the Bible that we learn to be true children of God. It is from the Bible that we learn to walk in the footsteps of the Master. It is in these footsteps that we must trod, holding our hearts out to Him who loves us so much that He was willing to die for each of us."

blessings

2009-03-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

……..I am daily amazed at how wonderful God is and how gracious he has been to me. For a long time I never took the time to "be still". It is in the times that we are still and quite that we encounter the Lord Almighty. He has great plans for us. I rest assured that what he has promised me is true. I do not fear when I am alone because I know that he is there. When I first became a Christian, we lived on a half acre of land and I would go out back at night with my pillow and blankets and lay on the lawn chair and just pray and bask in the greatness of God, many nights I found myself asleep outside when I would awake in the middle of the night (because I was freezing to death) things seemed so peaceful.

I don't think what happened from the time that I was a kid to an adult somewhere a long the way I forgot just how much I needed those times alone with God, the times when it was just Him and me......I was always amazed at God, I would, and still do, look up at the sky or look out at the ocean and see how large they are and be in awe of God and his creation. My problem was thinking that everything was all gravy. Although I knew more about the Bible and what is says about God, then I ever did, I lacked that relationship I had with him once when I was a child. God has been faithful to me.

This last year God has taught me sooo much and has taught me to rely on him not on myself. I grew up with my mom telling me that if I wanted to get ahead it in the world then I would have to do it on my own. I wish that I could say that I grew up in a Christian home, but I didn't. My mom never told me to pray or to keep focused on him. Church was a place of refuge for me. Having to rely on myself more and more as I grew up, had me relying less and less on God. Today, I know that with out God I can do nothing. He is my great provider and in him I can do nothing. It is as if there has been a revival in my heart and renewing of spirit. I know God has great things planned for me this year. Will there be struggles? There always is. But despite all the struggles that I have gone though, God has blessed me. I am so blessed to serve a risen King. Praise God that we can be forgiven and that in Him we can find salvation and refuge.

Love your enemies

2009-03-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:43-48.

I was looking over some old sermon notes from years ago on the preceding verses. I couldn't think of anyone that I would consider my enemy and I don't know of anyone who finds me theirs....well maybe there, maybe a few....who knows. I find it interesting that there is no clear place in the Bible where it says hate your enemy. David says he hates his enemies in the Psalms but the Lord never tells us that we should. In fact Lev. 19:18 says, "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD." I find it intresting that we find ways to twist the scriptures and believe things that aren't there. The Pharasies were teaching people things just like that. Jesus says you have heard it is ok to hate your enemy....but this is so....you should love your enemy. Praise God, Jesus can give us clarity.

We dicussed that no on knows enemies like God knows enemies. Rom 5:8-11 says "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." To think that I was an enemy of GOd before I believed.

One of my first class in my MBA program we were give an assignment to keep a journal and in one part of the journal we were suppose to choose someone we hard a hard time liking or hated. I was able to choose someone that I struggled to love because of some issues going on at the time......We were to take time and pray for that person everyday and then journal what we thought about them.....I tell that prayer is the best way to love your enemies. It wasn't long that I started to feel compassion for the person that I was praying for. It is amazing Gods power.

Who is our neighbor? I think that the parable of the good Samaritan found in Luke 10, tells us that a neighbor could be anyone not just the people that live feet away from you. It is amazing that desite religious difference and conflict that the Samaritan stopped to help the man in need. I think this goes to show us just how important it is to show love and compassion. The Bible tells us that God is love (1 John) and through him we take on that attribute and it is through him we are able to love our enemies. It is hard....Oh so hard at times but the with the Lord we can do all things.

So far this year.

2009-03-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

I have learned so much from each experience. I have to constantly go back to what God has told me in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” I think that sometimes I forget just how stupid it is for me to be a control freak….it is so easy to want to control my own life and to have things my way. 1 Thes. 5:16-18says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”

I don’t know why it is so hard to let go and let God take control of my life completely. I do for a while and things go good but then my selfish sinful ways kick in and I try to get back in the drivers seat. God must not be pleased with me. Romans 8:32 says, “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” No matter what I do I can not make right. I praise God for his grace and mercy in my life!! I know that God is who he says he is. I have seen him provide in times when I was struggling. Every time I was struggling with making ends meet I would return to Matthew 6:25-34 which says, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I forget just how valuable I am to God some times. I know I am made in his image and I know he loves me but I can not grasp or understand the depths of his love for me. I thank God for his Son Jesus who died on the cross for my sins. I praise him that I can live eternally in his presence. I sometimes sit and think about what heaven will be like….my mind can not fathom how heaven will be, it is an awe-inspiring thought for me. I hope that my prayer can be the same of Asaph in Psalm 73: 26-26 “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I daily remind myself that I am not stong enough to live in this world alone. I need my friends, I need my family, and most of all I need the Lord and his people to help me though.

When troubling times come and they have and they wil return I remember what what has said to me in Deut. 31:6 Be “strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." and not only does He tell me there but He reminds me again in Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." It isn’t just a reminder it is a command!!! Hebrews 13:5 reminds me once again “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Why is it so easy for us to believe human beings when they say they will never leave us but so hard to believe and trust in the Lord when He says the same things and never goes back on His Word!!! Pauls says in Phil 4:11-13 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” I too know what it is like to be in need and have plenty, It is my prayer that I can always be content with what I have and not “store up for [myself] treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for [myself] treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where [my] treasure is, there [my] heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19-21). It is my prayer that I will put all of my heart in to loving God more then anything else. It should be so hard to love someone who loves me so much more then I can ever love.

I pray that others can see the Light living in me. My my life be a testimony to other people of the love of Jesus Christ. I pray that God fills my life with opportunities to serve Him and do His will.

I love to socialize :)

2009-03-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

I NEED TO SOCIALIZE. I believe that socializing is Biblical and that there is far too many people who are not doing it….shame shame! We are to fellowship with one another. Dude I would have so much fun just getting together and talking about God.

There is nothing more important we can do than fellowship with our Heavenly Father. Our lifestyles today are filled with all sorts of things to do and not enough time to do them. It is important to then make time to do those things that are most important. Daily fellowship with believers is something important enough to make time for. Acts 2:44-47 says “And all that believed were together, and had all things common; And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, Praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.”

The 1st century Church fellowshipped on a daily basis. They studied the Word together, ate together and prayed together. They believed who they were in Christ and as a result the Word spread like wildfire. I believe that it was a truly remarkable time to be a believer!

God wants us to fellowship with other believers everyday this because of what God made each believer to be in Christ. Ephesians 2:8-10 says “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship [masterpiece], created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”

God calls us His masterpiece! Dude that is awesome!!!! I have learned just how much value I am to God! God wants me to recognize this and believe it about myself and he wants you to believe that you are a masterpiece too! I think the most important thing is that we also believe it about one another!! It is so easy to get wrapped up in ourselves but fellowship helps us to see the beauty of God’s creation in others!

Proverbs 27:17 talks about the benefits to daily fellowship with believers….. Iron sharpens iron it says. We help one another stay sharp on the Word of God. Matthew 18:19 talks about expecting to see great results when you pray with another believer. Dude I tell you I love to pray and it is awesome to pray with other believers and for them!!!

There is nothing like spending time with people that love God, believe who they are in Christ and can see the Christ in me!! We may not run into people like that everyday but it is a blessing when we do have the opportunity to fellowship with other believers!!

Just look at all the Biblical refrences that tell us to fellowship!!:

“Two [are] better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him [that is] alone when he falleth; for [he hath] not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm [alone]? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3

“Then they that feared the Lord, spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard [it], and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name.” Malachi 3:16

“And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem [about] threescore furlongs. And they talked together of all these things which had happened. And it came to pass, that, while they communed [together] and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.” Luke 24:13-15

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” John 13:34

“These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brethren.” Acts 1:14

“And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.” Acts 2:1

“And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.” Acts 2:42 (and 44-47 above)

“That is, that I may be comforted together with you by the mutual faith both of you and me.” Romans 1:12

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me." For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:1-7

“Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and [that] there be no divisions among you; but [that] ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” 1 Corinthians 1:10

I could go on and on and on….So who is going to hang out with me???? Let’s talk about Jesus!!!! I praise God that he is faithful to his fellowship with me!!!

To God be the Glory

2009-03-16T13:39:00.001-07:00

Once I went to a Bible study we were told to close our eyes and we thought about Jesus brutal death on the cross. I can’t eve begin to imagine the pain that he felt on the cross. It is so humbling to know that someone took that all on for me. I can only imagine…I have noticed that though I focus on God I tend to forget about the cross (yea I know that he died and rose again). I mean I forget just how much agony he must have been in. The Passion of the Christ only gives us a glimpse into what it was really like. God crushed his son on the cross for my sins. I am so undeserving of his mercy in my life but he has turned me for a hater of God to a lover. Why is it so hard for us to understand the full love of Christ? I rejoice in the fact that I serve a risen Savior! Praise God for his Son!

This is amazing to me:

Jesus fulfilled more then 300 prophesies from the Old Testament!

· Peter Stoner (Moody Press 1963) said, By using the modern science of probability in reference to only 8 prophecies fulfilled by Jesus, “we fine the chance that any man might have lived to the present time and fulfilled all 8 prophecies is 1 in 10 to the 17th power (1 in 100, 000,000,000,000,000)” To put this number in prospective, it would be like taking one single silver dollar, and marking it. Then adding it to 100, 000,000,000,000,000 silver dollars and cover the state of Texas. That would be about 2 foot thick!! Next, blindfold a man, tell him he can travel anywhere within the state he wishes, and tell him he must bend down and find that 1 marked silver dollar in a single try.. That is the same chance that the prophets of Israel would write 8 of the messianic prophecies and one man, Messiah Jesus, could fulfill all 8.

· Now, consider the odds of Jesus fulfilling 48 prophecies - The would be 1 in -100,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000, 000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000, 000, 000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000, 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000, 000, 000, 000,000,000. This number is 1 in 10 to the 157th power. The estimated number of electrons in the entire universe is 10 to the 79th power

· The probability that all the monkeys in Africa could run over to a single typewriter and, without error, retype all the books in the English language is 1 in 2 x 10¹¹⁰. Those odds are better than the probability of Jesus fulfilling all Messianic prophecies.

The very pages of the Bible itself declare that the scriptures are the only true “basis of authority” for correct spiritual understanding and truth. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” - 2Ti 3:16. Any other profession or claim to spiritual authority or truth, not based upon the Bible, is a counterfeit, false, and serves only to lead sinners away from the free gift of salvation through the messianic atonement of Messiah Jesus, and towards eternal damnation and separation from his creator.

Remember this - Jesus fulfilled over 300 prophecies at his first coming! These statistics put the likelihood of the Bible being divinely inspired, and of Jesus being Messiah, out of the realm of possibility into the realm of absolute certainly!!

I am truly amazed that with our scientist world more people can not look at theses results and declare Jesus King!!! I heard once that there is more evidence that Jesus Christ lived, died, and rose again and that He is who he said he is the there is evidence that Napoleon (not Dynamite) ever lived….that is some crazy stuff right there!!!! On Sunday at church we talked about hoe God deserves all the glory for raising up people to do his will. We are looking at the life of Abraham. Knowing that we are all sinners we all need Christ the same whether you grew up in a Christian home or live(d) a life far from the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Abraham gives us a good example of how we need to intercede on the behalf of others just as he did with lot asking the Lord to spare the righteous in Sodom. I praise Him for his mercy and Love….because I am so undeserving of it!!!!

My birthday

2009-03-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

So Saturday I went to SeaWorld for the first time in my life. I pet a sting ray...it was pretty slimy and kinda smelly. Today is my actual birthday. I have been looking back on my life and I have seen so many different things. Some missed opportunities but so many blessings. God has blessed me abundantly with amazing friends and a loving family. I am also blessed to fellowship at a church were every person is like my family. For some reason there has been so many distractions lately from me spending time with God the way that I should. At times I feel so unworthy of the grace of God and the mercy that he has bestowed upon my life. I look over my life and I see so much sin and so many broken promises to God, I sometimes wonder why he hasn't smitted me. But it is because of his grace and mercy in my life that I am set free from sin and bondage. I chose to cling to him, may he continue to be my source of life and the only thing that I boast in. I praise God for the work he has done in my life and I am so thankful for another year of life. It is my prayer that others see Christ in me.

Here is some pictures from SeaWorld

God is so faithful

2009-03-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

God has provided so much for me. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I shall l dwell in the house of the LORD forever" Psalm 23:6, ESV.

He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4

Under His wings I am safely abiding,
Tho the night deepens and tempests are wild;
Still I can trust Him-- I know He will keep me,
He has redeemed me and I am His child.
Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort and there I am blest.
Under His wings, O what precious enjoyment!
There will I hide till life's trials are o'er;
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me,
Resting in Jesus I'm safe evermore.
Under His wings, under His wings,
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings, my soul shall abide,
Safely abide forever.
-- William O.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

It makes we want to throw up my hands and praise God when I look at my life and the blessings that I have received. Thank you to my friends for all of your help. Praise God I have friends like you.

gym moments

2008-10-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

I tell you I have probably spent more time at the gym the last month or so then I don't know what. I wish losing weight was easier. I wish I had a magical wand and could just zap the fat away. So far since my first weigh in I have lost 30lbs. I didn't really realize the significance of losing even 25lbs. I told a friend that it wasn't that much and he told me that I needed to go and pick up a 25lb dumbbell and see how much I have lost. I guess it didn't seem significant because I couldn't see it gone. It was coming from all over my body. My knees were hurting before I started going to the gym. They say that for every one pound a person loses, it takes 4 pounds of stress of the knees. So I guess that is 120lbs of stress of my knees, that is so crazy to me!! I am starting to really see the weight come of and that is a lot more encouraging.

I have been trying to take opportunities more at the gym to share Christ with those who I see regularly. May God be glorified though my weight loss. It is only because of his mercy I have been able to any of this! My desire is to grow in the Lord. In Sunday school Jessica and I have been teaching the kids about being holy and righteous I think that through my own studies I have realize that part of holiness is honoring God with my body as well as my life and the things that I do. God pour out so much grace upon my life. I can only praise him.

The other day at the gym I was listening to some praise music at the gym and realized people were starting to stare at me. I didn't realize that I was singing out loud and so loud, lol. But hey, God be the GLORY!!!

Jesus is more than a friend

2008-09-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Lyrics:

Jesus is a friend of mine by Sonseed

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

He taught me how to live, my life as it should be.
He taught me how to turn my cheek when people laugh at me.
I've had friends before, and I can tell you that, He's one who will never leave you flat.

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

He taught me how to pray, and how to save my soul.
He taught me how to praise my God and still play rock and roll.
The music may sound different but the message is the same.
It's just the instruments who praise His name.

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

funky guitar riff

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus came and found me and He touched me down inside.
He is like mountie, He always gets His man, and He'll zap you any way he can.
zap.

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

He loves me when I'm right, He loves me when I'm wrong.
He loves me when I waste my time by writing silly songs.
He loves me when I'm quiet and I have nothing to say.
He'll love me when I'm perfect if I ever get that way.
whooo!

Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend in Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
J-J-J-Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.

the end

Where is the fear of God in this song? This song take glory from God because they do not have a right view of God. God is powerful, he is loving, he is just, he is righteous, and he is to be feared. I would be worried about a Christian who said they do no fear God. God did not have to choose us to be children of God but yet he pursued us and captured our hearts. We deserve death but yet because of God's grace he has ran after us. A God who could call all nations, animals, the universe to himself and cause them to worship him is a God who deserves to be feared. God is our deliver, our savior, our Lord, our God, our Rock, our avenger.

Without the true fear of God, one is left knowing nothing (as in 1 Timothy 6:4), because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7). A person does not even begin to have knowledge if they do not fear God, as it is written, "fools hate knowledge" (Proverbs 1:22). Without the true fear of God, a person is a fool, because the true fear of God is also the beginning of wisdom (Psalm 111:10). A person does not even begin to have wisdom if they do not fear God, as it is written, "fools despise wisdom and instruction" (Proverbs 1:7). The sad reality of all of this is, such is the miserable state of mankind. They are fools (Psalm 14:1-3). When we have a right view of God then we will fear him. Seek his word to know him.

Getting on the right track mentally

2008-08-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

I have always been good at losing some weight really quick and then just hitting a point where it is really slow. The personal trainer I met with today got on me for not having breakfast today, lol. I guess I should get some breakfast bars or something for days that I dont have time to make something or go somewhere. Usually I eat breakfast at work when I work in the mornings (Mon, Tue, Thurs.). So I need to be eating more times a day. All week I have been getting salads or something for dinner. I guess between my change in eating and the exercise I have lost 6.6lbs....it is a start, I hope that number continues to double. Part of me wants all my weight to be gone instantly. I feel like it really does hinder me in so many ways. I think employers judge me because of it and I also find that finding a man is harder. Lets just face it no man really wants a woman that is my size even if I have a "great personality and nice eyes". I have heard that a lot. "Laura you are cool. You're a great friend. You are funny, you have a great personality." Some will even complient my eyes or smile. But OH NO don't date the fat girl!

I am not losing weight to find me a man, I don't want to give the wrong impression. At this point if there really isn't a guy that can look past some physical imperfections and see my heart, they aren't really worth it. I am trying to lose weight because I don't want to die next year or early. I also want to do so much more to serve God, the lover of my sould, the King of Kings! I know I can do somethings but I do have a desire of go to another country and proclaim the name of Christ and I feel like my weight would hinder the work that I can do for him.....

Not only that but I work so hard to be disciplined with reading my Bible, praying, and mediation on the Word of God, I don't necessarly seek to honor God with my body. Part of holiness is taking care of of temple. God has given us our bodies so that we can glorify him and serve him! And boy does he deserve it! I am falling short of all I can do for God but not being more in shape then I am. I look at it as me not bring my best to God in an offering of myself. How much more could I do for him. To me it isn't an acceptable excuse not to serve God in the way that I should! Mind, body, and spirit all need to be poured out to the Father. God forgive me for not being more diligent and caring about my health before. I have learned more and more just how important it is to be healthy.

I pray that God will continue to pour out his grace on me, a horrible sinner that isn't worthy of anything he gives me. Oh praise God in heaven that I am his child and that he captured my heart and gave me ears to hear and a heart to seek after him!!

Gym days

2008-08-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

Day 2: lol

I decided there is way too much yummy food at my work. I tried to stay away from it today. I went to the gym again today. I bought me those flippers, lol. Actually, they were nice and made me want to go faster but I ended up with a cramp. Oh well. I tried jogging in the water and I have decided that isn't as easy as it seems to be. I mean, I have walked in the water but trying to job was a lot more difficult. The pool at Bally's was pretty full but I tried to keep moving for the most part if I wasn't doing laps. I forgot my goggles at home so I had a hard time swimming under the water. Laura's eyes do not like pools.

Anywho, I am in pain from yesterday. I mean yesterday my arms hurt but this morning my legs kinda ached and then half way through work today I got up and I realized my abs were in a lot of pain, lol. Pains good right? I mean I can walk, so it can't be too bad. Anywho, tomorrow is another day at the gym for the lovely Laura Boley. I can't wait.

Rebecca...I am going to have to go to the gym early tomorrow. And don't think I can make it at 4:30, and go a second time to the gym. I don't know if my body or my calendar can allow for that.But don't worry I will come prepared with a notebook and I will log everything !!! Hehe.

Thanks for all the encouragement I have got from several of my friends. I love you all!!

La la la la la...........adventures at the gym

2008-08-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

www.my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Nutrition Calculator

I am not one to like to post these types of things. This is my goal...it is a lot of weight, I know. I have just recently joined a gym. Today was my first day working out. I worked out with a couple of friends who are totally kickin butt! I walked on the treadmill for about 30 mins. I have to say that inclines kick butt, lol. Then I tried to kill my arms lol. I tried to work out the abs or whatever but my fat gets in the way, lol. I got most of that done in my own timing. With my arms I was trying to be all pro and strong, with the butterfly I started with 60lbs of weight and did 5 sets of 10 reps....now I might have rethought how much I started with if I knew my arms might fall off when I moved to shoulder presses. I tried to do 60lbs for shoulder presses but after one I decided I would definitely be losing limbs, lol. So I decreased it by 30 and did 5 sets, 10 reps each....and still almost lost limbs...

I have a feeling my body is going to hate me tomorrow, lol. Anywho, I am really trying to work hard to losing some lbs....especially since I gained so much so quickly. I have started to feel the affects of the weight gain in several aspects of my body and life. I look forward to swimming tomorrow...I kinda wanta get flippers, lol. Its fun! Anywho, thanks to my encouraging buddies I went to the gym with today! You gals rock!!!

enjoying vacation

2008-08-06T20:53:00.001-07:00

So yesterday I hopped on a train at 5:45am and headed to Oxnard to visit family and friends. I got in Oxnard at 9:21. Yesterday my sister told me I had to go to a birthday party for Basco sp?.....who is her boyfriend's dog, lol. I told her that I am not going to party with any dog, but I would come for the food, lol. We BBQ'ed some tri-tip and chicken, made some potato salad, and had some yummy snacks...I guess they know how to throw a party for a dog, lol. The dog even had a cake that was made, lol (filled with carrots, peanut butter, flour, cinnamon, bananas, and vanilla)....

Yesterday I got to hang out with the AMAZING Zac Codner! Lol. We got some lunch at Chipotle (where I complained about my burrito not being a burrito...because the tortilla broke). Then we went to the mall in Ventura because it was a must that I see the new two-story target there with the escalator that you can put your cart down, lol. Then I came home and partied it up and enjoyed some time with Tammy, Patrick, the dogs (Basco and Sasha), Laytoya, Zakai, and Aunt Patty.

Today was alright, I didn't do much but the night is still young! Lol. I shall update some more :)

My First Time....

2008-06-26T23:24:00.001-07:00

So for the first time ever today (yesterday now I guess) I went to watch a movie at the theaters but myself. The thought of going by myself has always been kind of awkward to me. I think it is the whole fat girl being by herself in the movie theater type of thing. I think it would have been worse if I got a huge box of popcorn. I will have to say that I do appreciate having friends with me when I go out. Why did I go by myself anyway? Well, I had lunch with my lovely friend Sarah and then I had about 3.5 hours to kill before my church group started. I thought about going home but I didn't want to travel in the opposite direction that I was in. I thought about going to coffee depot and getting some tea and surfing the net but I didn't want to seem like a loser and be there for hours, lol. I thought about shopping….then I thought that would probably end up being a very expensive 3 hours in which I buy a bunch of stuff I "think I need". So I begin to think about what could occupy my time and not make me drop 100 bucks or something, lol. The idea of going to the movies came to mind and I couldn't figure out who in the world would actually want to go with me so I decided to go by myself, although I was really hesitant to do that. The above thoughts came rushing to my head. Before I even got to the theater, I felt like a loner.

I got my ticket and headed into theater 5….I searched for a place to sit. There were actually lots of open places but I was trying to figure out where I could position myself where I would seem the least "loneresk". I kept thinking that people in there noticed that I was alone….the fat girl loner. It is pretty sad, huh? I didn't think much about it during the movie and when it was over I left. After the whole experience it didn't seem all that bad. I don't know if I would ever really want to go to the movies by myself again, it was kinda boring not having anyone to talk about the movie with afterwards. And besides, it might be better for my self-esteem if I didn't, lol.

I defiantly found myself to be very lonely watching the movie by myself….

I haven't blogged in awhile. It isn't because I don't have anything to say but it doesn't seem like people really care or even read them. I know some of you do but I know that even those who I consider some of my closest friends don't so why bother??? Besides, I have kinda been blah for awhile now. I feel like I am stuck in a rut and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know how to move forward in life. Things are going good. I have a place to live. I have an amazing church. I do have a job. But something seems to be missing…..

Figures! :)

2008-05-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

Rain?

Today?

I searched for my umbrella in my car earlier until I realized that I had taken it out. I pondered to myself very sarcastically, "WHO THE HECK TAKES THEIR UMBRELLA OUT OF THE CAR IN THE SUMMER".....I actually got a good laugh out of it and if you know my car, or have seen it lately you can guess it wasn't too hard to find something to cover me, lol. I found a sweater and used it as a shield, lol. Go me!!! OK so now get this irony! My ghetto car (and I am blessed to have a car even if it doesnt have AC and about 100 other working parts)....

Ok so most of you who have rode in the car with me have all had a good chuckle at my freakin windshield wipers that go at random!!! I wouldn't even want to to go and the would just go. Their favorite time to go would be when I would hit the turn signal...anywho, moving on with my story, some of my girl friends and I were going to go out to watch a movie and as I headed down my street, being a GREAT driver I recognized OH ITS KINDA SPRINKLY I SHOULD TURN ON MY WINDSHIELD WIPERS......and guess what? THEY DIDN'T WORK!!!! That is just out of control, lol. I mean come on. They worked yesterday, I don’t remember noticing if they did anything today but still, WHEN YOU NEED SOMETHING THE MOST THINGS FAIL YOU...its just the reality of my life that is...........

I called my friends and told them i could go and they called me back and informed me that everyone was running into problems so we just weren't going.....After I hung up with them I pondered over the recent experiences in my day and I laughed because I swear this could only happen to me and I smile because while in the midst of thinking about how my dang windshield wipers had failed me I remembered who the Lord is always faithful. I also thought that maybe God thought that Indiana Jones was from the devil just didn’t want me to go, lol, jk. I look at it this way there is a reason for everything and that reason might have been to get me and my friends off the roads so we can be safe at home during the storm that is coming through.

So now I get to enjoy a relaxing evening in! I actually can’t think of a better way of ending this day.

...Amazing!...

2008-04-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

"Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus,
I’ve lost sight of all beside,
So enchained my spirit’s vision,
Gazing on the Crucified."

-Oswald Chambers-

A call to prayer!

2008-03-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Dont forget to pray for the persecuted belivers. Continue to remember our sister Shuang Shuying in your prayers she is still in prison and Shuang suffers from high blood pressure and diabetes. Below is a little about her, follow the link below that to get the latest information about Shuang Shuying.

March 03, 2008

Shuang Shuying is a 77-year-old petitioner serving a two year sentence, also for “intentional damage of property.” Shuang, the mother of house church activist Hua Huiqi (华惠棋), was petitioning over forced eviction when she was detained. Human Rights in China has learned that Shuang’s health, already precarious, is deteriorating in prison. After a recent visit, family members reported that her health has suffered under the poor prison conditions, and her eyesight has deteriorated due to complications with diabetes and high blood pressure, to the point where she could not even see the visitors sitting in front of her.

Read More Here

Piper's comments of the Prosperity Gospel

2008-03-22T03:45:00.000-07:00

I heard a sermon today by Piper on the Prosperity Gospel....some people at my women's accountability group were talking about it and when I went and read Dr. Mooney's blog the video below was posted on his blog so I thought I would share it with you since they message hit deep in my heart.

Piper’s comments (video) about the Prosperity Gospel.

What is the prosperity gospel you ask?

Prosperity theology is the teaching that authentic religious belief will result in material prosperity for the believer. Prosperity theology is also known as prosperity doctrine or perhaps most commonly the Prosperity Gospel. The doctrine holds that material prosperity, particularly financial prosperity and success in business and personal life, is to be expected as external evidence of God’s favor. This favor may be preordained, or granted in return for efficacious prayer, merit-making and/or appropriate faith.....you know those name it and claim it types.

thought flowing from recent debates...

2008-03-10T20:28:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been debating with a friend a lot about religion. Actually he debates with me to try to prove to me that the Bible is wrong and he tries to tell me that there are many contradictions. I don't really know how much he actually reads the Bible. He actually just recently bought a Bible because I told him that I refused to hear him talk about contradictions and not be able to give me exact scripture where he thinks these "contradictions" are. He has thrown out some ideas about how some of the stories in the Bible couldn't be true, most of them I have disproved to him over and over again but yet he still holds firm that they are not. We were talking about Noah and the ark. He said there is no possible way that all the animals could have fit on the ark. I looked up a bunch of commentary on the chapter and gave him some ideas. After I gave him some ideas and scripture he wrote me back and said:..

"this does not depict the image of a loving god all he seams to find joy and favor in cursing the world and people. And him doing this then he is destroying perfection and all god does is perfection as the bible states that god is not less than perfect. But how can the bible say we worship a god of love and mercy when there are more acts of condemnation and damnation than love."

His comment back to me took me back to C.S. Lewis book The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe when Mr. Beaver tells the children in the story about Aslan, they are not at all sure they want to meet him. "Is he safe?" asks one of them. "Safe?" says Mr. Beaver, "Course he's not safe. He's good. But he's not a tame lion." God is not a tame lion, God has a voice we can't ignore, God sometimes comes after us and chases us down.

It seems to me that many writers in the Bible understood ecactly who God was and that he should be feared even though he was a God who was just, compassionate, and full of grace towards his people. The person who wrote Psalm 139 knew this God too ... a God there is no escaping from, pressing upon us, following after us, going before us, leaving us nowhere to hide.

Psalm 139

1"O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5You hem me in, behind and before,
andlay your hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more thanthe sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

19Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
Omen of blood, depart from me!
20Theyspeak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Romans 1:18-25 states:

"For the wrath of Godis revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19For what can beknown about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but theybecame futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23andexchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. 24Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

Is God a loving God absolutely but so many times we tend to limit God to just love and we try to push out of our minds that God is a God of wrath, love, peace, joy, wisdom, justice, etc….I could go on and on but I think you get my point…..

Apartment

2008-02-27T14:08:00.001-08:00

apartment

I moved in with a friend at the begining of the month. I took awhile to get everything in. I haven't blogged about everything because I was trying to keep everything pretty discrete for awhile. Anyway, I officially have been in the place I have been living for 11 days or so. Well the area is pretty ghetto and it is hard to find parking. If there is no parking then I have to park across the street and depending on what time of the day it is, it can be a mission to get across with out being killed. No joke, I should take a picture of the street and show you. There is a cross across the street, I am guessing it lies somewhere near where someone was hit.

Well I had been working with my church for awhile about where to live. I only had two weeks to find a new place to live. Which is not enough time to really do just that. I really struggled about where to stay. I kinda just jumped at my first and what I thought was my only option. Which has ended up being kinda crazy. I don't know that I should pay so much for a place where there is no warm water in the kitchen unless you run it for twenty mins and even then it is luke warm. The place smells like smoke and no matter how hard I try to clean and make it smell good it still smells like smoke and it has really been bothering my allergies and stuff. My room itself smells good. I cleaned that room uber good, lol. I carpet cleaned it when I first moved in and it was discusting how much dirt I got out of the carpet. Sad day.

Anywho, I am not entirely too sure how long I will continue to live there. I really need to save some money to get my own place. I will update you with some things that are in the works. Blessings!

I thought you said you had nothing to say.....

2008-01-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to say.......

it took me over an hour to write that. My heart is exploding with emotions and hurt right now and I just don't know how to translate it in to paper. I thought if I just started writing something would just flow out of my soul and onto this blog.
I am sitting here at the CBU library...I came in here looking like someone socked me in the face probably. I tried to "clean myself up" and look presentable. I didn't even want to be in public because I just wanted to sit at home and cry. Yet I didn't want to be at home and let loneliness consume me. I know that the Lord is near me. He is comforting me so much. I am no longer deep in "the ugly cry" poor Jessica had to witness earlier.

Who knew losing a friend would be so hard. I mean come on, he didn't even die, yet I am mourning over the loss of it. So much time spent getting to know one person, sharing life with the person, making plans, sharing secrets, going out, spending time...I am repeating myself I know. So much time and energy put into one person and it all for what? to be here in this moment crushed and hurt and not understanding the need for lies, betrayal, exaggerations.
The Lord knows my heart and knows my part in the situation. He knows the truth and if others don't want to know the truth and don't want to defend me that is ok because I have the greatest defender of them all. I don't like to lie, I always try to tell the truth. I can't say that I have never lied but I don't go out of my way to lie to friends. I ask them not to lie to me so don't lie to them. Through lies damage and corruption has grown. My sorrow has grown with it. I felt so defenseless as I heard how horrible of a person I was from many people....the said thing was the reasons that I was so horrible was based on exaggerations and fabrications.

My heart was broken but the Lord reminded me that he holds my heart and he is always true and always loving and is in control of every situation. Even though I am torn by the things that have been said about me and to me I can only rely and trust that God has ordained it for good. God has willed it that I follow him. I can not keep seeking after trust and friendship that is no longer there. My focus had drifted from the Lord. Oh how stupid I was for so long. I let a friendship consume more time then the time I spent with the Lord. Although this person says that they are a Christian never once was a ever encouraged with the work through them or pushed to know the Lord better. I have learned just how important it is to invest time in Godly relationship in which I will be encouraged in the Lord through his Holy and perfect Word. I am so unworthy of being his child. So undeserving of trust and grace that he gives. I feel as if I have given him nothing. For someone who has give nothing I sure have received an abundance from him.

My tears and heartache may not go away right away but I know that the words that man speak are only words is they don't come from the Lord. Please pray for me as I try to refocus on the King and fix my eyes upon only him. Thank you so much for reading and loving me and caring for me. I don't wish for this whole situation between me and this person to cause more problems. I know that someday the truth will come out.

flaming fire

2007-10-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting here thinking about the extraordinary body that God has given to us that we may be able to see, feel, taste, hearing and so on. Our eyes are amazing. God has given us eus that able able to see how close or far away things are. He has given us the ability to see colors in all their brilliance. Because of our sense of touch we can know what silk feels like, cotton, and other things that may be more rough. And thank God for taste buds that allow us to taste and know is something is salty, sweet, bitter, hot or a combo of them all. We have ears to hear: the sound of a baby's first cry, the sound of the wind, the whisper of a child, and the worship of the congregation. With our brain we can interpret it all. Because of God's many blessings he has given us the power of speech. I was thinking about just how complex our brain is...airplanes, skyscrapers, and automobiles still amaze me and microchips.

In all of these thoughts I was thinking about why would we use the things that we were blessed with by God to hurt others. Each of us has been knitted together in our mother womb. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. So many times our senses get the best of us and we get the wrong information and believe lies over the truth of God. When we listen to lies that are told and believe them we have become just as guilty as those who lied. We need to flee from such evil ways. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:1, "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."

It is so easy to lead people astray by the things that we say. That is why it is so important to be careful of the words that we choose to use. I know for myself this is a constant struggle. I wish that only pure and edifying things would come from my lips but many times I feel as Isaiah did when he said "Woe is me I am a [wo]man of unclean lips"

If we participate in gossip are we not speaking forth evil? Psalm 19:14 says, the the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. I think that many times my words and even the meditation of my heart are just not an acceptable offering for the Lord. I know people who harbor bitterness, is this not the same thing, the meditation of your heart. May we ask for forgiveness and align ourselves with the will of the King. We all stumble in many ways. None of us are perfect but we should be stiving to be in the will of God in his presence daily so that he might santify us and make us useful for his kingdom.

When we speak forth evilness, area are actually spreading the fires of hell (James 3). I heard it ask once, would we knowingly work for satan? I don't think that any of use would answer yes...however we do this when ungodly things come from our mouths. Our attention needs to be so much on the Lord and we need to be in his presence so that what comes out of mouth would be more edifying. Isn't amazing that James who wrote thousands of years ago is speaking about something that is still relevant today? "From the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both freah and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Neither can salt water produce fresh" (10-12).

There are so many of us in the world that think that we are wise, got it all figured out, or that it is all about us, or that it is our lives we can do whatever we want. But the truth is that out lives are not our owns they are the Lords. We are tools in God's greater plan for this world. Many people who are like that who consider themselves wise and understanding are not when it comes to the ways of the Lord. They act like the world and their speech is like that of those who are in the world. I was thinking about just how many times my words and actions have kept people from seeing the Glory of God! My choices in life have kept people from hearing the truth of the gospel and who knows if what I have said or done has turned people away from Christianity, casting them into hell?

I pray that God will forgive me where I fall short day after day. I pray that I can be more intentional with the things that I say and that the things that come from my mouth set God on display. We should desire to be intentional if we truly and deeply love the Father and his creation (Jesus told us to love one another). Our desires should be his desires. It is then when we will see blessings pour out from the Lord. Whenever we speak, whenever I speak may it be to the Glory of God who deserves all the praise and glory!!

Sorry this was such a long blog...this has just been on my mind with things that have been going on. Also a couple weeks ago during question and answer time at Norco we touched a little on this. And then on Thursday nights going through James (although we haven't made it to chapter 3, just yet) has reminded me of the truth that is within the book of James and throughout scripture.

hello

2007-08-29T15:57:00.001-07:00

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